I can't do it.

Chapter 1 - who cares?

I'm writing this on my phone excuse the mistakes I Will edit it at the end of the book, don't comment the mistakes I will go through it at the end and will correct any mistakes:)

Aliya Poverty:

My mums sat next to me but it's like she's not actually there. Since dad died she hasn't talked to me , didn't ask if I was okay, and just avoided me when ever she could. Was it my fault? No, I was asleep he was on his way home from work and it happened. There's not a second of every single day that I don't think of him or miss him he was the best farther in the world and now he's gone I-I don't know what to do with myself. I've always been shy but I used to perform for my dad and only my dad only now when people ask me to perform it's like I'm giving someone else that something I have left of him so I refuse I can't do it to myself every time I sing I break down it reminds me of him so much and it hurts so bad. Not only did I lose my dad I lost my mum to she's alive but she treats me like I'm not here. She didn't even ask if I want to move to California. However I think it finally broke her seeing the house we all lived in an everything seemed to smell of him. Everything was a constant reminder of our lost. Now we're on a plane my mums closed her eyes and is trying to sleep I try to do the same as it's a very long flight but I can't every time I close my eyes I see him , tears slowly made their way down my cheeks , it's okay to cry, no ones looking. I can't cry like this in front of my mum I need to be strong for both of us, at least one of us has to. I just look out the window for the whole flight watching the rain fall onto the airplane windows and just think about my dad. What he looked liked, how he smelt, and they way he hugged me when I was sad. I don't want to forget him I don't want to one day wake up and don't know what his favorite food was or what was his favorite tv show. I'm holding onto everything I can. I'm not saying goodbye yet he's still with me in my heart, he can guide me through everything. All the storms and rain what's waiting to pour it's self onto me until I've had enough he will tell me where to go an what to do. I'm not saying bye. I can't and I won't do it.

My mum shook me thinking I was asleep and telling me we've landed I wasn't asleep I was thinking of my dad. We get to the taxi and it took is to our new house it was huge dad left all his money to us and it was a lot he had a good job a well paid job at that.

He did what he loved and I admire that. He had so much passion for what he did, he was a chef and accomplished so much and made his dream come true to have his own restraint and he did, but never got that far to have it past a week.

Mum opens the huge door and she steps in and says to me "this is our new home a new start" I just stared at her in disbelief I said " I don't want a new start I want my dad back" and just walked up stairs to find my room. She didn't follow I hoped she would of and just told me it was okay and hug me and tells me he loves me but she won't, and I know that and it hurts and I feel my heart aching from all the lost and pain in it. theirs three floors to this house and I go to the very top I want the whole of the third floor to be mine. It has a window seat and a top window on the Celine so when I'm on my bed i can look up at the stars. It's peaceful and a little bit I just dream of being a star being so bright but yet so far away. I wish I was a star to be far away from earth as possible but can make someone happy and there dream come true when I fall will be magical and just relaxing to think of it that way. As a star you would suffer no pain. And I want no pain. I unpack everything and make it my own. I put my picture frames up everywhere but my favorite one is on the wall on a canvas it's me a couple of years ago me sat on his lap he looking at me smiling and my mum standing next to him and kissing him cheek we all look so normal and happy but it happens so quick I am angry at god for taking my daddy away so soon. I'm only 17, 18 in two weeks. Sad thing is he won't get to see me become a grown up I don't want to grow up without my daddy at my side telling me I'll be okay, and he loves me and he's proud of me. I feel the tears threatening to spill over my eyes I wont let them he wouldn't want me to cry but sometimes it's just so hard. I make myself sleep without dinner tonight skipping one dinner won't matter, I turn my lights of and turn my fairy lights on, I'm scared of the dark now, you'll never know when it will take you so I sleep with my fairy lights on. That night I dreamt about my dad an I woke up on the middle of the night sobbing and hugging my self pretending it's him to make me go back to sleep, I hum the song he used to sing to me whenever I had nightmares I slowly drift of to sleep thinking of his face the way he smiled when my mum looks at him the way his face glowed when he saw me sing and the way he said "I love you " to me just made my heart flutter. I start school tomorrow my mum rolled me into a performing arts high school as soon as we arrived, she's that desperate to get rid of me. I think I know why it must hurt her to talk to me or even look at me because I look so much like my father t must hurt her. When I wake up I need to get ready as soon as I can. I need to look my best it's a new school.

Wait who cares what u look like? Who cares about me? Who cares that i cry myself to sleep sometimes? An who the hell cares that my dad's dead?

Who cares about anything anymore?

So?

Who will care?

Me.

First chapter woo

Tell me what you think, if it's good if it's bad, fingers crosse it's not bad I know if needs spell check ect and ect but I tried if it's that bad I will stop writing 😂 but I hoped you enjoyed it:)

Lilyia:)