Benvolio

1

"I will tell you this much", said Suzanna Walters, "anybody can think good thoughts. We all have brains. But to give these thoughts an identity, a pen has to go on paper. An idea unscribed is never lost, because it never existed. Thank You."
A wave of applaud ran through the crowd. I too found myself subconsciously tapping my palms against each other, watching her strut across the stage.

"Worth it?" asked Alexio as we walked our way  back.
"Not not-worth-it, I guess", I responded.
"At least we got free food", he said, then chuckled at his own statement as if it was the funniest thing in the cosmos.
I just nodded. "Weather's in our favour."
It was a nice, basking-worthy day with some cricket chirping in the ambience to make the summer setting more realistic. Like true university dropouts (Alexio was a unversity drop-out, I never even made it to uni) Alexio and I happened to be at a university expo at The State University to see what the hell we could do with life - me after being rejected 5 times and him after dropping out because he was peeved at his girlfriend (though I'm not sure the latter would pass as an excuse to leave your bedroom, let alone as an excuse to leave the best university in a 200 km radius).
"Benvo!" I heard a voice behind me called out my name. I turned around to see a palm tree grinning at me with a protruding canine resting gently above the lower lip.
"Benvolio, long time, no see!" said the palm tree with overwhelming excitement. I saw it blur from my vision as I rubbed my short-sighted eyes, then realised that the figure yonder was not a palm tree but a person with green hair and a fake tan.
"Hey", I replied neutrally, "I'm sorry I don't recognise -"
"'Course you don't, you knuckle-head!" he whacked my back in what was supposed to be a friendly manner.  "'Ts me, your old friend Casper!"
"Casper", said Alexio, rolling his tongue. He scrunched his face into the Alexio-thinking-pose and then something hit him. He looked at the palm tree guy in the eye and I swear I saw something physical pass between their eyes. .
Alexio smiled. Palm tree smiled. They both put their hands in the air and started singing the opening song to Yo Gabba Gabba in perfect synchrony. 
A mob of girls went past them. From the corner of my eye, I saw someone lift a camera and post it live on their social media profile.
A little petrified at their eccentricities, I still managed to keep myself from passing out with embarrassment.
"Remember me now?!" smiled the palm tree guy once they were done with their anthem.
"Yeah", replied Alexio, "nah".
"Lol!" They both started laughing.
At this point in time, as Alexio and the palm tree were laughing  their buttocks off, I must admit that I was very unsure of what they perceived as humour.
"I need to get home in an hour", I said, concocting a reasonable excuse, "I have... stuff".
Stuff. Reasonable.
"And guess who's comin' with you!"
I remember myself  shrugging indifferently and wondering if he ever said anything that didn't seem like it ended  with an exclamation mark.
So yeah, that's how it began. The story of me getting behind bars.
I laugh now, as I think of it. How naive of me, to not see their humour. Had I laughed too, I would've been somewhere out there, beyond these bars, roistering "my"  life. Just like they are.
As we headed towards my house, I gingerly moved my arm across my face till it reached my ear. I turned my hearing aids down a notch, just enough to get the ugly sounds out. The doc had recommended this for noisy events like parties to keep my ears from damaging. Though I'd refused at first because of the expenses, right then I didn't regret a cent spent on those stupid volume buttons.
"Oh yeah! I've been here before haven't I?! Turn left" said palm tree.
But I had stopped in my tracks, and was looking at the corpse of what seemed to me a natural crow.
"Ewww", shrieked Alexio and the tree in unison. Alexio brought his foot close to the bird's eye. I tried to stop him. 
"Don't!" I yelled, "poor bird, what has it done to make you treat it that way?"
"Uggh, you emo kiddo. Be a man!" Alexio tapped the bird's head with his mangy shoes. The bird's frail body twitched and Alexio shrieked, his reflexes moving him away from the poor creature. "Ewww!"
Then what? I simply rescued the bird and told them not to be disrespectful to other creatures again. They listened, and apologised for being such cow-heads. Happily ever after.

Except no.
I was a coward. Still am.
"And is that a demo on how you can be a true man?" I feigned a laugh.
Something went off in the palm tree's face. "Well, at least we're not emo like you!" he exclaimed.
"I'm not emo!"
"Then spit on the bird!"
"I wont!"
"Emo!"
I gave in. I produced some fluid in my mouth and aimed it as far as I could from the bird's body. Being excellent at shooting, my shot went crows-eye!
"Now you're a true man!"  smirked Alexio as we entered my driveway.
Someone ringed Alexio and he whispered something into Casper's ear.
"We have to go", said Casper.
"Farewell. Thanks for walking me", I said, ungrateful.
As soon as I saw their silhouettes disappear in the darkening sky, I scurried my way back to May Street.
There it lay, where we'd left it, lifeless on the kerb.
I poked it with a pen, but this time it didn't twitch. I felt my stomach churn with guilt.
"I'm sorry", I said to the dark lump. "I'm a coward. Forgive me, please." Something in my chest tightened. "I will bury you."
I picked the lump into my arms and through my blurry vision saw a pair of sunglasses intensely gazing at me. They hung over a sharp featured face - high cheekbones, large nose - scrunched with disgust, as if he'd seen something vile.
"Good morning...er...evening sir!" I soluted.
"You find pleasure in such things?"
What things? "I'm afraid I do not understand, sir."
"So you don't even realise!" he sighed, "of course you don't! It's in your genes, murdering."
"Pardon me, sir", I panicked, feeling a lump form in my throat. What did I do? "I swear upon my dead mother, I have never killed an insect!"
"Hah!" he snapped his fingers, "you might as well swear upon the entire cemetery. It must've been someone of your own race that killed these people!"
I felt my toes curl into themselves and bit the inside of my mouth.
"Do you go to university?" he raised his brows.
"No, sir."
"Oh-kay", he said, pursing his lips, "I see now. This is how you grow up, killing poor little creatures. No wonder there's so many of your race with hands stained with blood."
"But I did not -"
"I don't wish to hear from you. You shall bury the bird."
"But -"
"So you don't want to?" he rubbed his chin, "I'm surprised that I'm surprised."
I felt a gush of metallic fluid fill my mouth. That was it. Holding the lump against my chest, I ran through the bumpy May Street tasting my own blood mix with tears in my mouth.
To this day I have never cried as much as I did on that Wednesday afternoon.
I did not kill it, I did not kill it.
Did I?