I wrote this while drunk

Peppermint vodka mixed with hot chocolate

This is a very wintery drink. it's not winter yet though, so I'm not sure if I should be drinking it. I like it. It tastes good.

Let's see, what to write about?

Well, it's Saturday currently. I had lots of plans to be productive today. Oh what a grand time it was when I had those plans.

This morning I had an eye appointment. I have contacts now instead of glasses, so that is pretty lit I guess.

Story time:

Once upon a time there was very gay corn chip named Desperato. He had a red hat and dimples. In this universe, Bernie Sanders won the US 2016 presidential election, so things were pretty ok I guess.

One dreary Tuesday morning Desperato got dressed for school as if it was a normal day, because it was a normal day. He combed his hair and brushed his teeth. He punched his annoying little sister in the face, then went to go get coffee with his boyfriend Lewis.

Desperato and arrived at the local Starbucks only to catch Lewis making out with some bitch named Karen. The fuck kind of a name is Karen anyway.

Desperato last his shit and flipped a table over, then proceeded to ride his horse off into the sunset because his name is Desperato.

On his journey, he met another cowboy corn chip named Juan, who wore lots of flannel and kind of looked like if Dean Winchester was a corn chip.

"Hey Desperato," said Juan.

"How do you know my name" said Desperato

"Because you have a desperate look on your face," said Juan

"Oh," said Desperato.

"Maybe I can help you,' said Juan, smiling a cheeky smile.

Desperato proceeded to follow him to his cabin and have hot gay cowboy corn chip intercourse.

"That was really good" said Juan.

"thanks" said Desperato "but I have a confession to make. I recently caught my boyfriend cheating so I'm kind of in too vulnerable of a position to start a new relationship. I hope theres not hard feelings."

"Oh thats totally fine," said Juan. "In fact, I wasn't even planning on calling you again, so we Gucci."

"Wait, are you fucking kidding me?" cried Desperato indignantly. "This is bullshit. I'm calling the police."

*types 911 on a microwave*

Operator: "911 whats your emergency?"

THE END