that troubled love shit

my girl

do you ever catch feelings for someone out of fucking no where?

i used to be able to look at this girl, say she's cool and move on with my life. but now i can't take my eyes off of her. she's a grade below me so i've gotten close with her just this year, as she's only a freshman. it hasn't even been 3 months.

i remember, varsity was warming up for their game, i play volleyball. the school we were at played the song "whatever you like," and it was at the part where he sings, " i want your body, need your body," and i'd never looked at her that way before but all the sudden i felt i needed her body. just like that.

we got closer, really close. idk if i'd been that close with anyone before. we talked everyday at school and we hang out every weekend. i have never had anything like that before, and with her it's incredible.

she talks to me first and wants me to be with her. i've been excluded and left out most of my life. i'm always picked last, and it happened recently, only a month ago. but she doesn't let that happen to me. she wants me to go to the bathroom with her and get papers with her, whatever it might be, she wants me there.

should there ever be a weekend where i can't see her or a day she doesn't come to school, i think my heart might shatter into a million little pieces. it's been 8 weekends straight of hanging out. i mean friday, saturday AND sunday. a lot of shit has happened.

there's been pussy taps on pussy taps, tit grabs, ass slaps, and pulling each other in by the waist. there's been nights where we lay in each other's arms and don't say anything. there's been hand holding and locked eyes. she brings out my real happiness and my real smile. her smile could cure everything forever. i can't explain it. she is my everything and i feel like i'm alive again.

there's been so much more, but last weekend she did something that i can't seem to get out of my damn head. we laid on her bed side by side, both on our phones with her tv playing. i was on my back and she was on her side facing me. i turned off my phone to watch the tv and about a minute later she did the same. she rolled over on her side all the way and pulled herself closer under the blanket. she wrapped her arm over my stomach and grabbed my waist, while she rested her head against mine. she kissed me on the cheek and my heart beat out of my chest. she stretched upwards to kiss my forehead twice and put her head back against mine. then she kissed my cheek one more time for a hot minute. she closed her eyes and laid there for almost half an hour.

never once was it on the lips, but she must've kissed me 25 times that day. i can't get over it and i think about her all day every day. i shake sometimes when i talk to her. she's the funniest, smartest, genuine, perfect, most beautiful girl in this entire world i'm sure of it. i am in love with her, i know.

i'm in love with my best friend.
but maybe she is too💝