So.. this isnt my initial fourth story. My fourth story is based on something entirely diffrent but i was feeling pretty down and i felt like writing and i thought i might as well share it with you all.. Why not share some raw emotion with some of my lovely fans?
I guess one of the biggest problems in my life is the fact that i'm extremely insecure. You might disagree and say that i have been through much much worse but no one really understands how my insecurities rule my life.. and ruin it. Not alot of people can understand how it feels to look in the mirror and not feel pretty. Or feeling fat when you wear a two-piece bathing suit because your stomach is not perfectly flat and you dont have that gap in between your thighs cause you have the body of a latin woman and your thighs are thick. Feeling fat because everytime you go shopping you have to buy size 11 jeans just because you cant fit into anything smaller cause of your thighs. Or when you buy large tshirts that are sort of baggy to cover up that bit of baby fat you have that you dont like to show off. Or waking up in the morning and looking in the mirror and thinking that you are nothing without makeup.. not being able to find that natural beauty. I guess it sucks even more when you go on tumblr and you see all these pretty girls with the pretty hair and eyes and body and everything. And all these people idolize them and reblog their pictures and you know that you'll never be like them. Then you want to be like them and you cant.. you just cant.. and you feel like the ugliest piece of shit there is. It gets to the point where i can barely accept a compliment.. because i just cant see any beauty in me. And i so desperately want to be confident and walk around places without feeling insecure cause theres a pretty girl next to you.. I want to go out to places without feeling the need to compare me to other girls because they have something you dont. I want to be able to say "Yeah that girl is pretty, but i'm pretty too." But i cant do that and it sucks. So much. Its even worse when you're scared of being confident because people will bring you down. Because nowadays you have to PERFECT.. you have to have everyone love you to be able to be confident because if you're not people will just call you self absorbed or a wanna-be. You have to have that perfect body.. the perfect eyes and face.. Everyone is so judgemental and hurtful. They point out your flaws and you just hide from them because you cant take it anymore...
My insecurities is the reason why i chose to be anonymous. Because i dont want people to judge me based on how i look.. I didnt want people to focus on the way i look, i want people to focus on what im writing and trying to say. That is why im doing what im doing.. That is why im putting my life on here for everyone to see. So no one feels alone.. cause they're not. We're all in this together.
