After His Death | Death Note

Chapter 1: An End Can Be A Start

Today was his funeral. She was supposed to feel sad, wasn't she? She really tried to be sad, to cry, to miss him. But... that sadness just didn't exist. For some unknown reason, she felt rather... happy?
Relieved? She didn't know, but she didn't really question it either. She knew he was a terrible person somewhere deep down in her heart. But what bad things had he done? She knew that she had been there when he'd done bad things, she just couldn't remember what these things were..

"I should feel sad, but... I don't. I feel somehow glad, happy... But I don't want to call it that. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Actually the best way to describe it, would be to say that I am numb. ...Right? Ugh, I don't know," Misa thought. Her face did look somewhat troubled, though. She felt ill, she felt like a terrible person. She should be sad, but she's not! She was starting to become more sad about the fact that she didn't mourn his death than about his actual death.

"But... I thought he was the love of my life? Why don't I miss him? He loved me too, didn't he? We could've been happy, right? I still don't get it, why am I still not sad in the slightest? Does that mean I didn't actually love him?" Misa was confused by her own thoughts. She soon gave up trying to figure out what exactly was going on. She slowly shook her head.

"Maybe I'll be sad after I've talked to Sayu. She seems sad," Misa thought as she walked in Sayu's direction.

"...Hey," She said, purposely putting an obvious fake smile on, "How are you feeling?" Misa had asked that question in a low, serious-sounding voice.

Sayu hesistantingly looked up into Misa's eyes. Sayu seemed not to be very sad either. "Oh," She said, "You know... Light's dead. I was pretty sure one would expect me to be very sad."

"Damn, you're a bad liar," Misa whispered, giggling slightly.

"Aren't you sad, Misa? I mean, you really seemed to love my brother, didn't you?"

Misa slowly nodded, "Yes, I did love him. I don't know why, but I really am not feeling the slightest bit sad. It's as if he was never an actual part of my life.." After having exchanged these few words, they both fell silent, still standing next to each other, and blankly staring into each other's eyes.

The ceremony began shortly after. Either of them weren't really paying attention. They weren't even looking at what was currently going on, they just kind of stared into the void.

Sayu and Misa looked at the closed coffin. "He's lying in there, huh? Dead like all his victims," they heard someone whisper behind them. They turned around.

"What are you talking about?" Misa quietly asked, looking at Matsuda who seemed to be the person who said that just seconds ago.

Sayu raised an eyebrow as she looked Matsuda in the eyes.

"Just what do you mean?" Sayu had asked this question in a low, cold voice. It sent actual shivers down Matsuda's spine.

"Your brother... Light was Kira," he said as quiet as he could, so that no one else who was attending Light's funeral could hear. But, no matter how much Matsuda had tried, Aizawa heard him. "Matsuda, you idiot! I thought we all agreed to claim that he died because of Kira, not because he was Kira," Aizawa had whisper-shouted at him.

Misa quietly giggled because of that.

"Oh, really? You would've never told us? Seriously?" She proceeded in a low voice. She slowly shook her head, grining.

She didn't actually believe it back then, and neither did Sayu.

~

Now, she knows better though. Now, she remembers.

~

It was a normal day, like any other. It was raining, and rather cold. Misa had just gotten home from the set of a show she played a part in. She was quite exhausted, and just wanted to get home, and enjoy the rest of the evening.

She sat down in her favourite armchair, grabbed a blanket, and just wanted to relax. She closed her eyes for a second. She heard a loud thunder outside. Misa smiled, because she felt so cozy, being warm, and under a soft blanket, instead of outside in that storm. She felt happy. Everything was comfortable, everything was perfect.

Then, she heard something outside. And it wasn't the weather, that much she knew.

She got up as fast as she could, and quietly hurried towards the door. She looked through her blinds to see if someone was outside. She was relieved when she didn't see anyone.

"Maybe that was just the neighbors' cat," she thought. She wasn't sure yet, so she got her coat, and an umbrella, and opened the door. She went around her house a few times to check whether or not she'd find anyone, or anything that didn't belong there. The only thing she found was a black notebook.

She stared at it. Misa was confused, she didn't know what that book was doing in her garden. She didn't  know who put there, and she didn't know if she wanted to pick it up. Her hands shivered a bit as she went to grab it. She hesitated. "I don't really want to touch that thing. It looks terribly dirty," she whispered under her breath. "Ugh, whatever. I can clean it if I have to."
She felt as if this had happened before, as she picked it up.

She dropped her umbrella, and fell on the ground.

"It— It can't be.. How? Why? No way, that's impossible," she muttered.

Misa couldn't believe what she held in her hands. She knew it wasn't a joke, if it was, she wouldn't be remembering it all. This thing, it's real.

She looked at it one more time, before stuffing it into her bag. She got up, and ran inside her house, still touching the book with one hand.

She sat inside. She'd already dried herself up, and sat down at the table in the kitchen to look at this book a bit more. She wanted to know if it was a book she'd used before or a completely different one.

She examined the cover. It looked like hers. She scrolled through it, and looked at the names inside. It was hers. And now, it is hers again. She hugged it, thinking about all the memories she'd had with this book.

As soon as she consciously remembered Rem though, she got really sad. She missed Rem.
She missed Rem, because Rem was one of the few who actually stood behind her, and supported her. And most of all, she missed Rem, because Rem had loved her for who she really was. Not for her looks, for her money, or for her fame. She also missed Rem more than she missed Light at the moment. Light never loved her, he pretended to so he'd gain through her Shinigami Eyes, but Misa knew. She knew it the entire time, she just really didn't care. She lied to herself, and even pretended he liked her.

She was so foolish, and she knew it.

She giggled through her tears. She wondered what Shinigami would show up this time. Ryuk? Shidoh? She didn't know, and she didn't think about it too much anyway, because she'd find out eventually.

She smiled to herself, and put the notebook in her drawer. She didn't want to write anyone down. Not yet, at least.