Dear Aden,
Sometimes I sit and scroll through my Snapchat memories and look at all of the funny videos and pictures I have of you and I realize how quickly you became such an important part of my life. I've been wanting to tell you everything for the longest time but I'm so worried that non-mutual feelings will ruin everything. So while I'm not entirely sure you'll ever receive this, I need to write it anyway. You know, as an outlet for the thoughts stuck in my head.
As you already know, I am a very emotional person and I have a hard time when it comes to not living my life to please others, but ever since I met you I feel as though I can be who I am and not worry what other people are thinking. Around you I feel like I can say and do whatever I want and you'll still accept me. Sometimes I feel like maybe it's just a phase where I think I feel this way but in reality this is all real. The way I feel for you cannot be described in a flattering way with words. But I'm gonna do my best because if you ever read this, you deserve to know.
I've said it before, but I don't know if you know exactly how I meant it, I love you. I love you the way Leda loves stealing blankets. I love you the way you love lax and for some unknown reason, Arby's. I love you the way a teacher loves a classroom, the way a singer loves singing, and the way I love Post Malone (that's saying a ton). I'm terrified of losing you Aden, even as a friend. I hate the days you aren't riding with me and for some reason those always seem to be the bad days. In all honesty, I wish I had the courage to reach over and hold your hand, but the way you told me that "no one knows who you like," made me think it wasn't me so I don't. I hope you know that walking in the hallways with you is the best feeling ever because you make me happy. Whenever I'm feeling down I'll text you and even when you're busy you always text me back and that makes me feel so special. People tell me I should tell you how I feel but with you it's different. I feel like I should keep it to myself because I don't want to put you in an uncomfortable situation. I remember the first conversation we had that wasn't in person and I remember you kept saying how cool I was and how you wanted to hangout but you wouldn't pressure me into anything and that was one of the best things you could say because it showed me you aren't like other guys. You aren't hanging out with me to do things with me, you're just spending time with me. I worry that I don't know you as well as I could so starting today, I'm gonna try to get to know you better. You are the best person to ever walk into my life and I still get butterflies everytime I see or even think about you. But i wanna tell you a secret. One of the biggest reasons I haven't told you how I feel is because I've never been someone's first choice. I've never been the person that someone wanted to be with. I don't want to repeat that with you. I don't want to waste either of our time by just going through the motions of a relationship. When I think of you I think of loving you and how amazing it would be to show and tell you everyday how much I do. Just know that when I tell you I love you, I mean it in so many more ways than you think. Thank you for being my best friend forever forever because without you I would not be who i am today.
-em🥰
(November 19th, 2018)
