I'm wasted, losing time

Last and forever.

I'm wasted, losing time
I'm a foolish, fragile spine
I want all that is not mine
I want him but we're not right
In the darkness I will meet my creators
And they will all agree, that I'm a suffocator   

x x x 

August 1995.

AU, where David went to heaven for a while to decide his fate forever after a long battle against drugs.

Call for help. Broken heart. Pain that destroys the inside. Tears froze on his thin face. Scarred hands. Nothing to breathe. Maybe it's time.

Before his eyes flashed the most joyful moments of life: mother's smile, the first steps of his brother, school years, favorite group, the appearance of the first child and beloved wife. These moments warmed his soul so much that all the sweetness of joy was gone. He lost her as well as the desire of family and friends to communicate with him. David Gahan lost everything.  

One movement and its problems to be solved, sadness will go away forever and the question of the necessity of its existence will be solved by itself. That's what he does.

His eyes covered in a white shroud, his dark clothes as bright standed out among the white space, unwittingly oskarblyaya space. His heavy footsteps echoed through the huge room with endless corridor and ceiling.

 — Am I in heaven?  

  — Yes, — she whispered, and began to cry. Tears loudly hit the floor, touching beautiful shoes and snow-white socks. She hugged herself, took a step toward the man, but after a second stopped and sadly looked at the sad face of Gahan, — You know, every time I realize that everything I care about, all those who love me far behind, sit and suffer from the grief of losing what I did, kill me with every breath, with every word made by me. When I saw you happy from ignorance of my death, I cried with happiness that you don't feel pain, after all parents won't want to report to you about my death. Every bit of my heart wanted to come together, but the thought of leaving you alone again, like everyone else, just didn't let me do it. I believed that after that you would find solace in communicating with friends, writing music and meeting fans, but what is happening now? Where are you now, David?

— In heaven, as I understand it.

-- You've wondered many times why you even exist. I understand you perfectly, but I have an answer for you. You will exist to save the lives of fans and turn the life of the world into bright colors, to meet the most beautiful woman who will love you with all my heart, in order to raise a sweet daughter and admire her talents. I can give you a reason to live, David, but for that, please choose life. Take a step back, look around and realize that soon you will be called a cat, because fate gave you a chance. Yes, it will not be at once, Yes, it will be hard, but what awaits you will make you thank yourself and me every day. I swear, David.

— But all this will not bring you back to life! — Gaan cried, clutching at his hair, — How can you not understand that I only love you?

— Your love must die with me, David. Please get up from the floor, — she sobbed even more, putting her hand on his shoulder, — Let me go, and I'll make you happy, — she reached for his body, asking permission to hug, to which Gahan nodded indifferently and whispered in her ear: "What can I do to stay with you?"

— Kiss me, — smiled the girl, looking into the astonished eyes of Gahan, but before she could finish the sentence her cold lips were covered hot lips of the singer, trying to find mutuality, affection, but the girl just bit his lower lip as Gahan opened his eyes and loudly sighed, coming out of the coma. Droplets of blood appeared on a snow-white cover in which worried doctors already seized.

"Forgive me, David," — he rubbed his eyes wearily and saw her slender figure slowly disappearing from his life.

"NO! STOP HER!"' — he shouted, knocking down all the doctors and flinging the droppers. As soon as Gaan stretched out his hand, he felt that he was falling. The injection of sleeping pills quickly spread through the body and mind, trying hard to fight the departure of his beloved. She left, giving him a new life and a farewell kiss. She left, giving her the opportunity to forget her forever. She left him forever.

x x x 

Suffocator
oh no,
I'm sorry if I smothered you
I sometimes wish I'd stayed inside
My mother
Never to come out.