My Assignment Book

Pa's Tales

I've often wondered how I would go, never in my wildest dreams had I hoped for this my daughter and granddaughter sitting by my bedside, it won't be long now, I can feel the chill in the air as Mr Death draws closer and closer. He and I have danced this dance before but today I will not fight I will surrender. My granddaughter lowers her head to my chest and I fight the urge to cough at the pressure on my lungs.
“Pa, I wish with all my heart you would stay” she whispers her voice thick with her American accent sounds magical to my ears and I smile and rub her cheeks, she’s turning twenty-four this year, she tells me I’m her best friend and I hate to do this to her, but I know she will be just fine, we raised a strong girl. A beautiful independent young woman who was on her way to taking over the world if only with a smile at a time.
“Ah, luv-bug, yu know I’d stay just fi yu if I cud but it-” my speech is interrupted by coughing, the kind that shakes my now fragile frame but I fight through it. “It's time, I ave to go now” I finish, and my poor old heart burns and breaks at the sight of her tears, she's trying not to cry because she knows she is my kryptonite, I'm weak to the sight of those crystal droplets falling from her big brown eyes; I ache to watch them shimmer and glisten haunting me, begging me to stay… If only I could.

I'm not afraid to go as I've lived a good life with good people, I've fought and conquered my demons, my children were grown, I ensured that when I left they would be set, I've done my part.
Her silent tears seep through the thin polyester nightgown and chills me to the bone, while I rub her back. “Pa, I don't know how to live without you” she murmurs as my eyes flutter close and the darkness descends. Her plea so broken sears through my heart and even though I should surrender I can feel myself fighting against Mr Death as the chill descends nipping at my heels and drowning me in nothing but darkness. “Pa! Pa!” She calls hysterically as the monitor beeps this was it, but she's not letting me go, my heart stops and Mr Death stands there solemn almost sad as he gives me a hand...

My eyes open and I am blinded by a light, I can see her laying beside me, but I can see someone else too.
My beautiful wife, long deceased is bathed in light smiling at me, she is even more radiant now with wrinkles adorning her face and laughter lines that I helped create. “Love, you've done everything except teach them how to live without you” she whispers as she caresses my face. She's fading before me, and I hate that she is right, and just like a dream she disappears and I hear this gut-wrenching cry.

My eyes flicker open, there’s a burning sensation in my chest as though I've been repeatedly hit at close range by bolts of lightning.  A man in a white gown is holding onto Marla, while something clatters to the ground “You can't do that, he's DNR” the man says his voice stern as he **retrains. **
I can hear the delicate sniffs of Pearl, my one and only child she touches me cautiously as though I may just disappear into dust. It didn't take long for my mind to figure out exactly what just transpired, my girl Marla shocked me back to life. I try to speak but my voice is rough and my throat is dry, so I swallow, a nurse I hadn't even noticed brings a cup to my mouth wetting my parched lips.
“Pa!” Marla calls, and I can see the relief in her eyes.
“Dad!” Pearl my daughter calls and I realize that their mother was right, I've taught them everything I can except how to live without me. There is hope and fear dancing in their eyes and I wished for a way to bring them peace. The man in the white coat whose name I've forgotten tends to me, checking my vitals. He fusses over me for a while asking about my pain levels and questions geared at seeing whether or not I was lucid. He scolds Marla again and whispers something to Pearl then he vanishes leaving the nurse standing watch I suppose over Marla.

Mr Death stops his lurking and fades into the background and it isn't so hard to breathe again, he's given me more time, just enough to say goodbye, I suppose.
I raise myself up, by gripping the bed rails and they help me up fluffing the pillow behind.
“Pa, just one last time tell me the story of how you met grandma, please” she begs and I can't deny her. Crawling back into bed with me she lays her head on my shoulder.