December 1, 2018
It's been a while since I've felt like this...
Like an empty shell. Love was a gun that fired my heart, now a bullet wasted, in the direction of a deep abyss. All that's left of me is this shell. This broken home. This empty case meant to carry that bullet straight into my lover's life and not scar him, but leave a mark he would learn to love. Then I would've served my purpose.
Things aren't that easy, however. The darkness fades when a new soul brings his torch to brighten me. But as expected, he'll see nothing worth his time or love or pain or sorrow. And when he turns to move on, the darkness drowns me again. And there I lurk in the shadows, I myself losing grip of who I am and I stumble around blindly. I only go deeper and deeper into the darkness. To the point where I've lost myself. I no longer remember to be the girl I was. Who she was or used to be is all but clear to me. The amnesia comes with the haze of depression. And as the sunlight and the lakes no longer give me peace, anxiety sinks it's viscous fangs into my mind and sucks the security I once felt.
And I miss him. His voice. The things he would say. I liked him a lot. Maybe even loved him. But alas. I could not see past the pain of expectations and the mistrust I felt towards his possession of my heart. So I pushed him away. And away. Further and further until he was the one who no longer wanted me around. I shouldn't have done what I did. I shouldn't have said what I said.
But the damage is done.
And with my life I pay for his love I may never afford.
आप पढ़ रहे हैं
Last Time
आध्यात्मिकI pledge my sins and bear my pain so you can see past my plastered barricade.
