We fall in love. Real fact, one thing we are avoiding to happen but, we are looking forward to experience. Abnormal heartbeat, bright eyes and glowing cheeks, signs of being smitten. Helpless nights are also one they say. But, as far as you dredged up, have you felt it, too?
Lemme tell you my story. I've been broken, many times, countless I think. Unmeasurable pain and unstoppable throbbing in chest, did it, been there. The moment that when you close your eyes and you see no one but the one you love. Bittersweet smile will form your lips and a deep sigh ensue. But, why I am telling you these things when I wanted at the very first place to divulge how to feel love and what are the feelings you will experience when it ensnares you? Nah, just wanted to let you picture out how, how love, ends everything. Bitter? That's what I think, too.
But here's the thing. I fell in love the very first time when I was High school, first year high school to be exact. To my classmate, to my enemy. Enemy? Why? Because, he was smart in our class and (Clearing throat) I am, too. Our friends thought that we were Cat and Dog. I don't let anyone copy my works, my answers, and that was the reason why he got mad at me. He thought I am selfish and attention seeker. But, the truth was, I am scaffolding (aye?) Laugh here, but really, I am. Was it wrong to let them experience failures and victories without the help of others? I think not. And our fight goes on and on until I noticed one day, I am falling for him, not just profoundly falling but, intensely, cavernously falling in love on him. I found myself staring at him when he was not looking at me or he was talking to someone. I imagined myself being with him, happy and in content. I stalked and did silly things, the same things that you did. Laugh.
I remembered, I'll go home when their Basketball practice is over and he will split sarcasm on my face and I am happy. Foolish right? I know.
Days passed and I don't know what to do on my feelings anymore, if I should tell him or keep it myself. And, I plumped into telling him, through giving him a letter. The day that I gave him the letter, the same day my heart shattered and tumbled into pieces. He read the letter during recess time, in front of our classmates and laughed at their heart's content that I thought they will all die. He was laughing on my face and telling me how brave and how ambitious I am. I saw pity in my classmate's eyes; I saw how ashamed they are for me for what I did.
I cried the whole week, don't know what to do, whom I will go to and cry on. I am alone, in pain and ashamed. My best friends were there but, I don't want to see pity in their eyes so, I hide. Hide to everyone and faced Mr. Pain. Every time, when he and his friends will see face to face, they will all laugh. I can't do anything but cry, letting them see how vulnerable and enervated I am. My Mom kept on asking me if what was with me crying at night, I just smiled at her and told her I am okay.
At the age of 14, my young heart tattered until it turned to dust. It took me 3 years to move on, not just by what happened but also on him. I disregard them all, my friends and my studies (I lost my honorary mention during my first year in HS but recovered it afterwards) until I totally moved on. What can I do on their judgments? The damaged has been done and we can't do anything about it, I can't do anything about it. I stayed silent, distant, and unapproachable. Until one day, I noticed, I had no friends, real friends. My very first love scarred my soul until nothing left as mine.
After my first year in High school, I avoided him and he also did the same, until everything was forgotten. On our third year in high school, we had a chance to talk about what happened few years back and settled to be just distant to each other. No talking, no fights. On our last year together as classmates, it was quarter to a year, I think, he transferred to another school, an opportunity knocked on his door to be a varsity player in one of the well-known schools in Mindanao. And that year, also, our friendship started.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, he and one of my best friends had a relationship. In a nutshell, he begirlfriend my best friend. Of course I cried after they told me, feeling betrayed. Who will not? Laugh.
Thank you my first love, Kelly Lloyd. ;))
