I walked into the classroom without saying a word to anyone. I had a lot on my mind. More like in my head. I had only slept for three hours before my alarm clock reminded me that today I was going to face my worst nightmare.I walked stoically to my favorite position in the classroom; the first seat from right on the sixth row.I loved that position because besides the fact that it was close to a window and therefore perfect for when the class got cramped with sweaty coursemates, lecturers didn't notice me there. I guess I'm that small. So I could think, talk, chat, eat or sleep whether or not there was a lecturer in class. Plus, I didn't get the "surprise questions" from lecturers at the end of the classes and quite frankly, I sometimes wondered what my face would look like if any of those questions were thrown at me. So whenever I was awake while questions were being asked, I'd study the facial expressions of the unfortunate ones who had to at least stand whether they knew the answers to the questions or not. Then I'd compare the expressions, sigh with relief and mumble to myself "Well, what's your business? That's never going to be you."
I moved the seat as quietly as I could, not to avoid drawing attention because the class was getting rowdy already, but because people believe that noise from specific objects around you is the leading cause of amnesia before and during exams. And whether or not that was true, I didn't want to test the theory. I couldn't afford to. So I sat down as quietly as I could, pulled out a "full-scalp" sheet on which I'd summarized the seven topics under this course along with corresponding decided cases and statutory provisions. I wanted to revise while waiting for Dinime to show up. We'd read together. We'd crammed together. We'd stayed up all night on several occasions for this examination. In the eyes of anyone who saw us all those nights, we were ready to "smash" this exam. For all they knew, we were going to give the lecturers some homework to do. But there was this other part which only the two of us knew about. There was one more condition precedent which we had to fulfill in order to fully "smash" this course. So I sat there and stared at the paper in front of me trying not to look nervous. I smiled at one of my coursemates and shook my head as gently as possible when another asked if I had two blue pens.
Dinime walked in fifteen minutes after I'd settled down. I know that for sure because I was checking the time. That's what you do when you're nervous. I think she was smiling at an imaginary friend who might have been sitting awfully close to me because I wasn't smiling back. And neither was the lady that had asked for an extra pen. She walked up to me and started with her usual "What's up?". I just grimaced and turned back to my paper. "Calm down. If you aced it last semester, why won't you ace it now?" I just stared at my paper and tried to focus so as to not bring back memories of 'by this time last semester'. She sat directly in front of me and turned around partially whenever she wanted to ask another silly question, make another annoying comment or check if I was still there, seeing as I had the urge to get up and run.
"If you're for this examination please leave the hall. You know how this is done. So don't wait till it gets to your turn." It was the unmistakable voice of the Staff Adviser. What was he doing here? Wasn't he supposed to be in an office advising a couple of staff or doing whatever the hell they paid him to do? I exhaled for the fifth time that day -or was it the seventh?- before gathering my stuff and going to join the rest of my coursemates on the corridor. We waited while the Staff Adviser "greeted" the Dean. Then there was another professor and yet another one. This issue of "seniority at the bar" was one I never quite understood. I didn't understand why lawyers practically worshipped older lawyers. But then, that's a topic for another day. I moved closer to the window in order to get a good view of whatever was going on in the classroom. The Staff Adviser returned to his new duty post by the entrance to the classroom-turned- exam hall and started checking students in. "Just place your LAWSA dues receipt on top." LAWSA was short for Law Students Association by the way. "Some of you ate our food without paying." " Place it on top!" "You drank our Malt without paying, abi?" He just wouldn't stop screaming. I noticed that the security guy was yet to arrive and there was no lecturer in the classroom which meant that there was no one to make the sitting arrangements. I found Dinime revising with someone else, I walked up to her and whispered "Let's enter this one."
★★★★★
"What is that foreign object?"
"It's gum, Sir. Chewy gum."
"Can I see it?"
"Will you sue me for conversion?" He asked as he popped one of my "hard-earned" gums into his mouth. "No sir." I said and smiled. He handed me the receipt I'd given to him after a taking a glance at it and moved for me to go in. I walked straight to where I'd sat earlier and waited for Dinime, again. She walked in moments later and took her place in front of me, again. She turned to look at me. I knew that look. "I know... We'll be fine."
As soon as I got my scripts, one for each section, I pulled out a smaller piece of paper and looked up at Dinime, or her back, as she wasn't facing me and exhaled again. Then I quickly turned to the last page of what was going to be my Section A script and scribbled as fast as I could. My hands were trembling. My heart was racing. But it was a small price to pay for a high grade in this course. I looked up occasionally to make sure I wasn't about to get caught. And when a lecturer or that security guy I hated so much walked into the hall and strolled down towards my row, I'd sandwich the "foreign body" in my script and try to look so engrossed while I filled out the columns on the first page of the script with my name, level, semester and stuff like that. When I eventually completed my little assignment, I balled the paper and threw it out the window. Another plus for my favorite position.
"You started at ten o'clock. It's a two-hour paper so you'll be stopping at twelve o'clock". For some reason, that line always reminded me of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire... Your time starts now... I took a deep breath and prayed that my "backup plan" would rhyme with the questions I'd see before turning my question paper to read Section A. There were two sections and three questions under each of them. We were required to answer two questions from each section making it four questions in all. I always answered questions under Section A first. One look at the section was all I need to know that these questions lacked joy. I wouldn't like this at all. Anyways, I knew the general principle: start from the ones you know best. I wrote down all the decided cases I'd crammed on the last page of my script and put everything in the hands of Providence. After what seemed like eternity, I was done with the first question in Section A. The next one would have to wait because I was having a hard time selecting the question I knew better. I had to weigh a lot of options. I had to answer a lot of questions. Which of the two do you know better? In terms of general principles, exceptions, decided cases, statutory provisions... These were the factors I had to consider before picking any of the two question left in the section. And I had to do all that in record time. The last thing I wanted was to have to submit an unfinished work...
