Love.
A simple four letter word, two vowels, two consonants and one syllable. What does it mean?
love [luhv]
noun
1. a strong feeling of affection
2. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
3. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or friend.
4. sexual passion or desire
5. a person towards whom love is felt; beloved person
It goes on explaining the different ways love is felt towards people.
I loved him. I really did. Well, I think I did. But he never gave me a chance to prove it. He left me, then and there, once I had told him. I tried to erase his presence that haunts me. What use was that? He comes back crawling into my thoughts, never leaving.
Now that I think of it, why did I love him? He was always assertive. All he wanted was live his life the way he thought to be right. And I loved that. But who knew that I was one of his casualties? He means everything to me. Meant.
I don’t love him anymore. I thought love never died. I don’t even know what love is anymore. It’s not like I’m happy again, I think if he ever chooses to come back, I will gladly accept him. But the thing is, he isn’t going to come back.
It’s been four months and he hasn’t even called. Or texted. Not even once.
My first instinct was to go after him, so I did. But I didn’t find him anywhere. I searched everywhere we used to go together, as friends of course. I used to think we were a little more than friends but eventually eliminated that thought.
After two weeks of searching, finding information about his whereabouts, texting and calling, I quitted. Still anguished.
My family tries to console me but either they aren’t very good or it doesn’t affect me. I’m going with the second.
I have two siblings, an older brother and a younger sister. We don’t fight much. But we do insult each other in the nicest ways, if that’s possible to comprehend. That was when I actually used to talk though. My brother moved to Los Angeles less than a year ago. My sister is planning to move there for college after her high school comes to an end.
My life is an interminable cycle of boring shit. All I do is sleep, eat, work and think. A huge percentage of thinking. That’s what I’m doing right now. Thinking.
There’s a light knock at the door. I let out a loud hum, signalling whoever it is to come in. I pull my bed covers closer to me and slightly sit up. The window is slightly open, sending a warm breeze in my room.
The sleek, silver doorknob slowly twists and the door swings open. The tall figure of my sister walks in with two cups of steaming liquid I’m unaware of. Her short brunette hair is straightened, reaching up to her shoulders, her skin clear, eyelashes long with mascara spread among them, lips a baby pastel colour. She’s dressed up in a grey sweatshirt and yoga pants.
“Hey,” she casually says, kneeling on my bed to hand me one of the cups. I take it from her to find the mug filled with hot chocolate.
I respond her with a nod and take a sip from my hot chocolate. My movements are sluggish.
She sits cross-legged opposite me, quietly looking out of the window. I take one more sip as she takes a deep breath and faces me.
“Do you want to go on a holiday?” she carefully speaks.
“Where?” I ask.
“To LA,” What?
“Why?” I slur out the word, raising my eyebrows at her.
“I don’t know, you haven’t been anywhere in ages and I thought it would be a good idea…” she trails off.
Honestly, a holiday trip sounds amazing, I want to start all over again, to change this shithole of a life that Caleb put me in. But, there is this thing that's lost hope in me, and it won't wake up, no matter how hard I try, but I'm not going to ruin my life because of Caleb anymore. I'm going on this trip whether it ends up to be shit or not. I certainly hope it doesn’t.
“Okay,” I say, downing my hot chocolate.
“Okay, what?” she asks, her face shows she wasn’t expecting me to agree so quickly.
“I’ll come,” I give her a warm smile.
“Oh my god, Trisha!” she squeals, but quickly recovers, “Just saying, I didn’t think you’d agree so quickly,” she laughs.
“Ha-ha,” I roll my eyes. Why does everyone have to lose their hope in me? I’m not that bad. Or maybe I am. Shit.
“By the way, we’re going with a couple of friends,” she smiles.
“Okay?” I say like I don’t mind. It’s true, I don’t. The more the people the better. “Who exactly?”
“Well, there’s Emmey, Shawn and Noah. Oh, and I think Noah has a friend tagging along, think it was Harry,” she says.
Emmey and Shawn are like in love, Noah and I are just friends. We’re all really good friends, my sister gets along with us all really well and she’s only two years younger than us. I have a feeling this trip might be fun, I just want to forget everything.
I don’t know about this Harry dude though.
