After i suicide

when every thing happend but i can not feel nothing .....

  Everything happened after i suicide
How it happened and how I know it !!
It happened and I did not feel happy
It happened as if nothing had happened
Perhaps because the heart is hollow
Maybe because I no longer like those things I was happy with
And how I know it and I am under the dust of life
That life that threw everything heavy on my weak body
That life is unfair and despotic
She taught me to act similarly and that working with substance brings you trouble
Let your guts come to a worthy person or to worthy things that mortals can only appreciate precious after loss
Humans and their sterile behavior and maybe you hurt me because I became like them and behave their behavior
.........
I'm not that angel
And I am not that holy person
That is not so important to me
I am not anyone. I'm not even anything
who am I ?!
Each person has a burden on me
I burden even myself .. on my memory. ..On my heart ...
I am a mass of unhappiness by foot
I am a block of grief among individuals
I am a gloomy block spreading negative thoughts
Perhaps because the positive implemented. .. Yes, I have exhausted all of them and I have nothing left to live by
Only blackness remains. ..
My words as a poisonous smoke kill all who read it
Words like a wicked black wicked make you enter my time. Darkness and darkness
I have never been so mystified by these ideas
There were only words of hope, optimism and love in my bag
What does this mean !!
The beautiful letters faded and faded with them
Things fade away beside me and I do not care
Little remained and disappeared
And buried under the dust of the earth after life buried me
And then what !!
This world remains and completes the march without me
And it may become a pink emerald worl

When will that day come?!
The day I leave this miserable world
The day i will become comfortable
The day when my weak body become withe out a spirit
That day when I get rid of all this hypocrisy and demonstration
I admit that I am the most pretending people
Because every morning I meet people I do not know and talk to them and have to smile
Smile feel like it's cold
That smile that hides a great sadness
A smile prevents all my tears from falling
A smile holding me together
Yes I still smiled and no one knows what this smile is hiding
I will not complain to anyone, and I will not tell anyone that I will be silent until I come to the dead
.........
I'm twenty years old
I am at the age of flowers and jasmine
But my mind is old and my body is a small child's body
Mysterious eyes with too much ambiguity
If you look in them, you feel a whole body tremble
He wonders why that shiver
It 's just an over - the - counter negative energy that I' m on top of
That's what makes me be far from the others
And Iobserve this strange world how all this days are passing and I am in my place I do not move
How do I not feel everything?!
Because I simply did not care anymore

I arrived at my last part
I reached the finish line
It's time for the words of farewell
painful words as all the words of farewell
Do not wait for me to write something happy
And do not wait for the consistency of letters to give beautiful words
For me, misery has always been my title
My friend is sadness
So far no one know why
It is time to disappear with my unhappiness
...........
Disappeared !!
This what you was waiting for , the miserable world. and this is what I have always waited for
For the first time we agree on something
And here it is
And here I go and leave
I know that I was a burden on you
I know that I have exhausted and looted you a lot
I regret all this
I know that after my departure there is nothing make the world remind me
I know I was nothing more than a pale ceramic piece in the corner of an abandoned house
I did not do anything to make people talk about me
And I'm really grateful for that because I do not want any one to talk about me
I do not want that uproar until after my death
I do not want anything at all
All I want is that peace
I think I talked too much and chattered enough
It's time to go and I'll go without saying goodbye