guardian devil

n°1

i don't like to be around people too much. especially when i feel like i might get attached to them. and it's not because i think i might be getting hurt or something—no, not at all, i don't care about that. i'm scared of THEM being the ones to get hurt.
for as long as i can remember, anytime anyone did anything remotely upsetting to me, they would always get hurt shortly afterwards.

when i was six, a girl named jocelyn told me to get off a swing in a playground. she twisted her ankle five minutes later as she tried jumping off the swing.

when i was ten, a teacher called me out in front of the class for not raising my hand to answer questions. she ended up accidentally stapling her hand.

when i was thirteen, a boy named joshua snapped my bra strap. he tripped and landed on his face, resulting in a broken nose.

these are only a few of the many examples that have happened when someone has seemingly gotten hurt because of me. i've always wondered if it was just karma getting back at them but something in my gut told me it wasn't that. that it's not just some bitchy universal force, but something much more—chaotic. the weird thing about this is that every time something happened, i would always hear a low chuckle of some kind. i'd look around for the source but there was nothing. at least, until i was fifteen. i was walking in the hallway and passed by a guy named michael and heard him say to his friend "i'd smash the hell out of her." i turned around in disgust, only to see michael get hit in the face as a locker swung open. at that very moment, i heard the familiar chuckle in the ocean of laughter. i looked around, and oh god, i could've sworn i saw a boy with horns, laughing. those red, crimson red horns bulging out of his head—

*knock knock*

i sat up on my bed and started stretching.

"gen? you awake? i'm leaving for work, i just wanted to make sure you were awake so you wouldn't be late for school." i heard my mom's voice from the other side of the door.
i look at my clock.
{8:47 a.m.}
yikes, and school starts at nine.
i immediately start getting dressed. "yeah, mom! don't worry about me!"
"alright, sweetie! your dad left you twenty dollars for the week on the counter, i'm heading out now!"
as her footsteps faded outside and were replaced by the sound of her car, i scurried through my room looking for any decent set of clothing. settling on a plain black turtleneck with black jeans and basic old skool vans, i grabbed my keys and backpack and headed out the door.
"fuck, it's cold yet my dumbass couldn't be bothered to grab a damn jacket." i muttered as i walked towards my car. i get into the driver's seat and toss my bag into the back. i switch on my car and furiously rub my hands all over my arms. "shh-shhHHIT! WOOOO!"
impatiently waiting for my ac to heat up, i groan and look at the times again.
{8:57 a.m.}
"yikes."
i race to school and pull into the student parking lot.
i look at the time again. {9:09 a.m.}
i sighed. man, i might as well just skip my first class. i contemplate whether to drive to a near by barnes and noble or to actually go to class. "fuck it." i pull out of the parking lot and head to barnes and noble, turning up my bluetooth stereo as tame impala's "the moment" starts to play. i drum my fingers on the steering wheel to the beat and sway my head side to side as i start to sing along.

"iN tHe EnD, iTs CoMiNg tHeRe'S nOtHiNg LeFt tO dOoO."
i see the barnes and noble store near by and feel myself get excited over the scent of coffee and books that's about to surround me.
"ᴼᵒᴼᴼᵒᴴʰᴴᴴ ⁱᵗ'ˢ ᵍᵉᵗᵗⁱⁿᵍ ᶜˡᵒˢᵉʳ, ᶜᴸᵒˢᵉᴿ ᶜᴬᴸᴸᴸᴸ ᴼᶠ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴰᴬᴬᴹNED-SHIT!"
i lost control. my car started to spin on the wet pavement and i shut my eyes tightly, waiting for the worst. i feel my body jerk from side to side and hear my tires scream against the ground but i hadn't hit anything. "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, GEN!" i hear a voice. my eyes jolt open.

my car slowly comes to a stop. the stereo was still playing but all i could hear was a ringing in my ears. my body ached from the grip of my seatbelt but i told myself that i was lucky to even be alive, and it's a fucking miracle that my car seems to be in one piece. i rub my temples and gather my thoughts, trying to process what happened.
i look up and stare in disbelief.

"BARNES & NOBLE"

"how the FUCK did i make it here?" i said to myself.
"you wouldn't had made it if it wasn't for me." that same voice. my head snapped in all different directions, looking for the source. but i didn't see anyone near me. okay, maybe i'm just in shock, i'm hallucinating, i literally just went through a traumatic event, this is fine.

but fuck, i needed to get out of this damn car.

i get out my car and open the back passenger seat to grab my backpack. i see a jacket laid out beneath my bag. i paid no mind to the fact that i didn't remember it being there and swiftly put it on. i stumble into the store and feel immediate comfort from the lovely scent of starbucks coffee and book pages.
"haha, you're one hell of a lucky person."
that fucking voice!