Lost In The Moment

Reflection

I look at my reflection and see a man. Boy? Teen. I'm not a man yet, I don't even know if I will survive long enough to see my eighteenth birthday.

I whisper my name to the mirror, as if to see my real reflection. As if it'll change to who I want to see.

The person I want to be. My brown hair to me seems dark grayish and my face seems to pale. My lips are gray and my blue t-shirt seems faded like the sky I see everyday.

The colors keep fading, getting worse everyday. I can't seem to remember a time where they were still there. When I could see all the colors.

I don't like looking at myself. My image changes everyday, something new greets me when I look at my reflection. Some say change is good. Well I say change isn't always good.

Change hurts, it can hurt at least. Trust me I know. I've changed a lot since I was the young Gabriel Nolan. In a way, I still am him, just bigger and more mature.

But it feels like the name isn't mine. That the name doesn't match who I see in the mirror. That Gabriel Nolan isn't me, that it's someone else.

Maybe I was switched at birth or my birth certificate is wrong. I don't know, I'll never know. My parents have practically forgotten about me.

I've faded away, well I'm fading away. I'm not completely faded. But why am I telling you this? It's not like it's going to matter.

It never matters, not anymore at least. No one knows who I am, not even myself. I could disappear. How fun does that sound?

My reflection's eyes are watering. I watch as a tear drop rolls down the teen's face. I ask it who they are and more tears come.

I sit down on the ground for a while and cry. I don't want to fade away anymore. I've wasted my life and I keep getting sick. My parents aren't able to take me to the doctor anymore.

I've been so horrible my whole life and I'm watching everything slip away and lose its color. Going colorblind isn't that bad, the sicknesses that I am going through is what's bad. Going colorblind doesn't help...