no consent

hey. fuck you.

this story is being typed out of anger and sadness.

but it is one fucking story.

in eighth grade, i was mean and emo. i was depressed and i wanted to be popular, or at least friends with people who were. i never tried super hard, i guess, but i did ignore a few people because of it. then one of my classmates committed suicide. and that changed my perspective.

so i ended up going to a high school on the other side of town from my middle school. and i was in marching band and blahhhhhhhhhhhh. okay, whatever. i made a lot of new friends, one of them being someone who we'll call bobby. bobby was far from my type, but we did become best friends. i trusted him with a lot of stuff, how my dad was in the hospital and i told him about my friend who had passed and how i missed her, i even told  him about some of my family and personal issues. it sounds depressing, but we had a lot of fun. then, he gave my friend a note saying he liked me and wanted to ask me to homecoming, but i didn't plan on going and i turned him down. i did talk to him a little at homecoming, which i was practically dragged to by my friends. i thought we were cool but then he spread some rumors about me, which sucked. i had to deal with a lot of shit after that. and blah blah time went on, he apologized but we weren't really friends anymore. oh well, i thought.

sophomore year started with band camp, and i joined the color guard. he sent me weird snapchats telling me how good i looked doing the guard stuff, but then he started talking to this freshman girl, we'll call her daniella. i forgot about his weird comments when him and daniella started dating, i decided it wasn't a big deal. they were pretty gross with pda though. anyway, eventually they broke up. a few weeks later, i got hammered for the first time and bobby decided it was his place to tell me that he thought i needed help for my alcohol addiction. for getting drunk once. yayyyyyyyyyy. gotta love helpful 'friends.' ugh.

then i became really close friends with daniella! she's my favorite person, and i found out bobby was a complete piece of shit to her and completely fucked her up with some of his shit. and i always thought FUCK HIM because i didn't care about him, i'd been avoiding him for months. but then we were all part of the same friend group, which was fine.

junior year started, and for the most part bobby left me alone. we had a class together with a mutual friend, and eventually we started to catch up and become friends again. i was honestly really excited because i missed us being friends, and he told me a lot about how he'd been getting help and talking more about his issues and working on them. and i thought that was really cool, so i decided to trust him a little again.

we'd been hanging out more and actually talking more, we talked to each other about our issues and some other stuff. he told me about how he liked this one girl, we'll call her luna, but she had a shitty boyfriend. i told him about how i liked this one guy, ethan. it was chill. bobby invited me over to his house to watch a movie as soon as winter break started. i had a bad feeling in my gut, but i brushed it off, telling myself i was just paranoid.

trust your gut.

i got there, and he told me no one was home and asked what movie i wanted to watch. after some debate, we found a christmas movie and began to watch it. i got up to put my jacket away, but when i came back he had moved very close next to my spot. but, his dogs were there, so i thought it was chill. i was petting and messing with his dogs, and suddenly he grabbed a blanket and put it over us saying his dogs would calm down if they had a blanket over them. his dogs were between us, so the blanket went over both of us. he had his arm half on one of his dogs and half on me, but because of his dog, i didn't think much of it. i just wanted to chill before i had to head home.

just as i was about to ask him some stuff about ethan, his dogs jumped down, bobby moved and sat RIGHT next to me, put his arm around me, pulled me closer and started rubbing my arm.

so i left.

the main thought i had, as i was driving around, was 'FUCK.'

i texted him later that night.

me: hey what the fuck?

bobby: i know, im sorry

me: no. was i misleading? you know that daniella is my best friend. you know i like ethan. you know we've had too many issues in the past for us to EVER date or be a thing or whatever the fuck.

bobby: im sorry, i misinterpret. can you just like not tell anyone about this?

he 'misinterpret.'

but, given everything, that seems unlikely.

did he misinterpret or did he just not care?

did he misinterpret or did he just not care?

did he misinterpret or did he just not care?

DID HE MISINTERPRET OR DID HE JUST NOT FUCKING CARE?

tell me the fucking truth.

-

75% of girls are raped by people they already know.
i found out one of my friends was raped by bobby when they were dating. she told me after i explained what had happened. he pushed and pushed for what he wanted, he didn't care if she was only 14 or if she was afraid. he only cares about himself.

so i didn't feel bad telling people what had happened. i was really angry, i still am.