Let's Be Real

I Need to Stop Saying and Start Doing

January 8th, 2019

At the start of this year, I told myself that I was going to make this year my year. I wasn't going to let any negativity from last year and everyone around me effect my mind space.
For the first week, it worked. I was feeling good, I lost 9lbs, and nothing could bother me. Maybe it was the meditation or the fact that I was home alone.
This week has been a mess so far. Aside from missing Korean lessons and not meditating, my cousin went back and told my sister things we discussed when she was here. I'm confused on where she thought that was okay but it caused a problem between my sister. My cousin made it seem like I was going through some huge problem and I couldn't trust my sister enough to talk to her about it. Like it was just so irritating to deal with (Im terrible with dealing with emotions) and I now know that I can no longer speak in confidence to her.
Today was no better.
So as some of you know, I am in my "second" year of  college and I have yet to register for classes for the upcoming semester because of financial reasons. My mom knows this and we discussed this multiple times before the new year but today she came into my room and ask if I planning to "sit in front of the tv for the rest of my life." Mind you, she does this every time I'm on break. I'm currently in between jobs and she encouraged me to leave my last job so it's not like I'm choosing to just chill just because but she only sees what she wants to see.
I can't blame her entirely for today because when I tried to respond and she walked away, I made sure she heard me and that just turned into a screaming match. I could of really handled the situation better but my tongue can be something fierce.
However, it made me think about what I wanted to do (and it's something that VOGUEMIN- brought up last night). I have always wanted to be a performer and after getting into K-Pop, I knew what I wanted to do. Though I've always said I've always wanted to be an idol for the past 5 years now, I have never done anything about it.
This year, I will be holding myself accountable in securing what I want for my future. I know that this path is not for the meek but I don't want anything else for myself.
To hold myself accountable more, I might vlog my "journey" alongside of this but it's time for a change.

2019 will be my year of change