"Hello there!"
"What the fuck," Rose uttered. "What the hell? You're from Star Wars? What's going on?"
"I can explain. You didn't reply with two certain words, so now I can be sure that you are not of Imperial standard. You see..." Obi-Wan Kenobi paused, gritting his teeth.
"....My padawan just fell into a vat of lava. I need a replacement."
"Jesus Christ, now I'm regretting seeing only the first few movies. I'm sorry, let me gain my composure." She takes in a deep breath, then exhales.
"Alright. So, you, a man from Star Wars, has come to Earth looking for a padawan. Am I correct so far?"
"Correction, I was born on Stewjon. It is a large galaxy we live in, it is perfectly normal not to be sure of each other's origins. I followed my intuition of the Force and it delivered me here. So, overall, correct. If this is 'Earth', I shall seek my padawan here! Let's go!"
She was lost on all this. "Alright, yes. Let us search for this padawan of yours. Preferably someone who has watched all of the movies."
"What are you talking about? I don't know what 'movies' are, but other than that, everything is quite alright!"
"Perhaps this is a jest, something John set up on fiver. That is a very John thing to do..." She was muttering to herself, before Obi-Wan spoke again.
"Oh, the movies? The Star Wars movies. Movies themselves are hour-long videos usually showing a story, or a part of a story. The Star Wars movies are about Luke Skywalker, or whatever, defeating Dark Vader. At least, I think that's what his name was."
Obi-Wan looked as though he were listening to an alien speak. Which WAS what was happening, except he was pouring sweat, his robes were singed, his hair was a mess and it looked as though he just crash landed onto Earth after he chopped off someone's limbs on a distant lava planet far, far away.
"....What? Luke....Skywalker. Skywalker? How do you know that name? What is YOUR name?"
"No? My name is Rose." There's no way she was about to tell her last name to this man, but she continued. "And I'm telling you, I know that name from the Star Wars movies. You're... uh. Cannoli...No, that's not it. Kenobi? John would be much better at explaining this to you, he's a sucker for shitty 80's movies."
Rose....he squinted, utterly confused as she stated his name. This place....was many star systems away. How could this basic civilian know his name? No, that's it. The sacred Jedi texts....they must have been leaked. Leaked so nefariously, that even this girl could write it off like it was nothing.
".....Rose. Listen to me. You MUST help me save the galaxy."
"I don't know what you want me to do, Kenobi. I could grab the movie, if you want. They probably have it still at Walmart, or on some streaming service." She crossed her arms, squinting her eyes at the man. "Normally I wouldn't follow some weirdo around, but I've got the whole week off of school, so I'm free."
A "weirdo"? Obi-Wan, a fully trained Jedi master, would not usually bat an eye to alien vernacular such as "Wall Mart" and "movies" and such tame insults. However, he was practically on the edge of his sanity. In fact, when Rose finished her sentence, he fell to one knee in the middle of the parking lot. People stared.
"The Force....it is strong with you. I am certain of it." He would be 100 percent certain after the blood tests. "One week is more than enough to convince you."
"Alright, fine fine, just get up. You're scaring everyone." She gave a small wave and shrug to the bystanders, as if to say, 'please don't pair me with him, I swear I have no idea who he is.' Which would be exactly what she was thinking.
He got up. "Good! Very good." Since the entire Jedi council was dead, well....this was just about the next best thing. "Your training begins when we find the nearest Jedi temple. Tell me about yourself! I see your Earthly culture is vastly different from mine, it must be fascinating!"
"Nearest Jedi temple... In New York?" She pauses for a moment. "There's a Jewish temple somewhere around here. I go there for prayer sometimes. Would that work?" Her thought process was that basically, both of them started with a J, so they could be the same thing.
Obi-Wan was breaking about half of the Jedi Code by interacting with this Rose, but he couldn't seem to muster up any more manic energy to care. "Fascinating, Rose! So this is 'New York'. Of course, let us go to the Jewish temple immediately! Hopefully their master is skilled in lightsaber forms two through five!"
Rose was about to break down in laughter. This was awful, yet so grand at the same time. "I doubt the Rabbi is skilled with the lightsaber. He's pretty old." She said with a shrug, before beginning to walk. "We can pay for the bus, it'll take us to the city where the synagogue is. Hopefully it's open."
He walked next to her, nearly tripping over his own feet but quickly regaining his composure. Just forget about the younglings, Obi-Wan. Just forget about the younglings. They're in a better place now. "Most Jedi masters are quite old. I would advise you not to underestimate your Rabbi." Wait. "Ah, a bus! I know what that is, my padawan."
He reached for his wallet and remembered that it fell into an exploding volcano on Mustafar two hours ago. "....I don't have my wallet. Um, if you don't mind-"
A loud sigh came from Rose. "Yeah, I'll cover for it." She said, digging in her sweatshirt pocket for some spare change. Five dollars and three quarters were are all she had, but it was enough to pay the fee. Oblivious to the murders that had taken place merely hours before, she stops at the bus stop, dropping down on the bench, and turning to her watch.
And so Obi-Wan Kenobi, suppressing the memories of his once cherished Anakin Skywalker and the looming threat of the Sith in a galaxy far, far away, went to the synagogue with Rose Lalonde and proceeded to be very confused.
Having nothing to lose, however, he converted to Judaism just for the hell of it and gave Rose his lightsaber, granting her the rank of Jedi master in a vain attempt to make up for his past mistakes.
Their ensuing misadventures, made possible by Obi-Wan's extreme denial, are forever recorded in the annals of history.
