The conflict of Feeling

The kiss (part 1)

Dedicated to my best friend. I love her with all my heart

I pull away, breathing heavily. Rolling my head to the side, I can see she's breathing equally as heavy. "Did we just-" I start. "Yea I think so" She returns. We're looking at each other now, trying to figure out what really happened. She gets up suddenly and starts putting on her shoes. They're a pair of beat up Converse that she's had since before we even met. "I should get going" she says. I'm sitting up now, looking at her in a state of confusion and sadness. "You don't have to leave, my roommate won't be home until tomorrow," I say, but she's already opening the door. "Ok I'll text you later" I call after her. I flop down on my bed thinking about what happened. I remember it vaguely. I remember I had came home for the weekend, and I was going to hang out with Billie. Everything that happened after that was a blur, but somehow we ended up at my dorm room. I remember somehow we got tangled up in each other, and I think we kissed. I had smoked so much that it was all kind of a deep haze for me, and I think she smoked a little herself. My bed was a mess and there were clothes strewn everywhere. My roommate Mila isn't going to be back until tomorrow, but this room is a mess.

I'm in the middle of cleaning when I hear the door open again. "I thought you weren't supposed to be in until tomorrow?" I say, thinking its my roommate. When I don't get a response I look up to find that it wasn't in fact Mila, but Billie. She looked at me with sad eyes. "Can I get a ride home? Its like 2:00 in the morning." I checked my clock, and it flashed 2:15. "Ok" I say, grabbing the keys to my truck.

Were driving down the interstate, radio playing softly in the background. I glance over at Billie, who's looking out the window with sad eyes. We pass under a streetlamp as we leave Campus, Illuminating my friend. She looks absolutely beautiful tonight. Her hair falls into her face as she leans on her hand. She's wearing her usual; an ST. J Academy hoodie with Black Jeans and her converse. Hey, I've never been one for fashion so I don't care. We made it back to town, not saying anything. Billie exits my truck, still seeming really off. "Hey are you ok?" I ask. "Yeah I'm fine" she replies before shutting the door. "I'll call tomorrow" I say, but she's already halfway up the stairs. I throw the truck, a small Tacoma 4x4, into reverse and speed out of the driveway, almost wiping out a small Ford Focus on the way. I speed my way back to campus, thinking about everything that happened tonight.

Getting back to the dorm, I throw open the door to find Mila staring at me. "You're home early" I say. "Yea, I didn't want to overstay my welcome, and I think my parents were starting to get sick of me anyways." My roommate looks at me, confusion and worry in her eyes. "That was quite the entrance, you ok?" I look down realizing I've still got my keys clenched in my hand, and I think I can hear the faint sound of a car alarm. I quickly shut the alarm off and hang my keys up. "Yea I'm fine. I'm just having problems with my best friend, and I think I messed things up between us," I say, not fully believing the words coming out of my mouth. "Why don't you sit down and we can talk about this" she says with kind eyes. The thing about Mila is that we aren't really close friends, but she's a good person to talk to, especially with this kind of stuff.

***

I wake up late the next day to find a note on my nightstand. "Went out to lunch with some friends and saw there was a message from your friend Billie. Sounded urgent so you might want to call when you can -Mila." I rush to the phone, pick up the receiver, and dial Billies number.

It rings and rings, and I start to wonder if it will ever stop. Finally her answering machine picks up. "Hey this is Billie, leave a message and I'll call you back" she says in that voice as sweet as syrup. "Hey Billie its Fever, call me back when you get this, I just want to make sure you're alright." I hang up, praying she'll call me back soon. I sit down on my bed and pick up my phone. As soon as I open Facebook and start scrolling, our landline rings and I spring from the bed. "Hello, Billie is that you?" I say, slightly out of breath and dizzy because I got up to fast. "Hey Fever, its mom. Is everything alright sweetie? You sound like you're out of breath." Its my mom, not Billie. "Huh? Oh yeah I'm fine, I just uh, got done working out?" I say trying to cover my tracks. I think it worked. "Oh? Is everything alright with you and Billie?" she asks. "Yeah everything's fine don't worry." I've finally caught my breath and am calming down. "Well," she starts off. "I just wanted to call and let you know that your father is home from the hospital. They said his cancer is almost taken care of, and the doctor couldn't find anymore." What? Cancer? When did this happen? I think, and then I remember.