Devil's Backbone (Muke)

1

Warnings

Mpreg
Cross dressing
Profanity
Violence
Drug mentions
Alcohol
Sexual mentions (no smut)
Cigarettes

Another negative result. I can't help it as thick tears leave my eyes.

Michael and I have been trying for a baby for so long. Though we aren't even engaged, both of us have always had faith that we'd always be together. We've been trying for a baby since just after our first anniversary. Now that we've been together for four years, it seems like the day a plus sign shows on that stick will never come.

I hear a knock on the door.

"Come in." I say, wiping my eyes with the backs of my hands. Of course, it's Michael coming into our bathroom to check the results.

"Hey, baby. How'd it go?" He questions, peeking at the white stick I'm holding. I shake my head, slamming the pregnancy test into the small garbage can.

"Not good." I respond, and the tears come again. He coos and opens his arms. I relax into his chest and his arms envelope me. His hand rubs comforting shapes onto my back as I cry from both frustration and despair. I just want a baby.

"This isn't fair, Mike." I whimper.

"I know, honey."

"We've been trying for so long, but it never works. Why do other people get to have a baby?" I cry.

My best friend, Calum, is pregnant. Him and his boyfriend, Ashton, got engaged a few months before Calum got pregnant. They didn't want a baby, at least not until there was one on the way. Now, they can't wait. They're four months along, and are finding out in a couple of weeks what they're having.

"It'll happen, Luke. I'm sure of it."

He kisses my forehead and then pulls away from me.

"I've got to go to work. I'll be home tonight, okay?"

I nod and watch him leave. He's been working so much lately. I'm worried, but it's not really my business. He's trying to make things better for us. I can't argue with that. 

I jog downstairs and to the living room. I've got the house to myself, so I turn on my favorite cartoon to distract myself. Though I'm still crying quite a bit, there's nothing I can do about it. We've been trying for so long, and are yet to actually become pregnant.

I remember the doctor telling me about my ultrasound results, a little over two years ago. She told me that, while I could become pregnant, it wasn't probable. More than likely, she said, I'd never end up with children of my own. It didn't stop Michael and me, though. We want what we want.

A knock on the door startles me, and I jump. The front door swings open and I see my best friend, Calum.

"Hey, Cal," I greet him. I sit up so that he can take the spot next to me.

"Michael told Ashton and me what happened. I'm sorry, Luke."

I shrug. We knew this was going to be tricky when we made the choice to start trying.

"Where's Ash?" I question.

"With Michael. Some work thing."

He sits down and lays a hand on his baby bump.

"Two weeks from today until we find out what we're having," he informs me. I grin.

"That's amazing! I'm happy for you, Calum. I hope it's a boy," I say. He laughs.

"So do I. Ashton wants a girl, though."

Later that night, Ashton picks Calum up. I'm alone in the house again, but I know that Michael will be home soon. I browse the kitchen for something to make for dinner. Something simple, since my heart isn't really in it today.

After several minutes of brainstorming, I just go with spaghetti. It isn't complex and doesn't take too long. As I'm waiting for the water to boil, I put my favorite playlist on shuffle and do the dishes. I turn the volume almost all the way up, trying to give my brain something to focus on besides my failed pregnancy attempt.

I finish cooking sooner than I thought I would. I'm far from hungry, so I place a lid over the food and head upstairs to take a shower. I keep the water cold and my time short, barely taking time to clean my body.

I'm starting to worry when I finish showering and the house is still empty. I grab my phone and try calling my boyfriend, but he doesn't answer. Not even the third time.

I eventually give up and decide to go to bed. I put in some Disney movie and curl up under the blankets. It's been a long day, and I wish Michael was here with me. He always makes me feel a lot better.

As I'm thinking about what he could be working on now, my eyes flutter shut. I start dozing off. Just as I'm almost asleep, though, the bedroom door opens. My eyes fly open and I sit up.

"Hello, beautiful," Michael greets me with a soft kiss to my forehead.

"Took you long enough," I spit. I know it's not his fault, but I'm still bitter. I cross my arms over my chest and glare at him while he takes off his shoes and jacket. "Do you understand how worried I was?"

"Honey, you know how my job is. I never know when they're going to need me or for how long. I'm sorry, okay? It wasn't my fault."

I huff, still upset and unwilling to let the topic drop.

"You can't answer my calls or texts, though. You have to ignore me the whole time?" I argue. He groans and rolls his eyes, sitting by me on the large bed.

"Ashton doesn't answer Calum, either!" He mentions.

"This isn't about Ashton and Calum. Plus, Ash is almost always back before you," I shoot back. "Dinner's downstairs. I'm going to bed."

"Luke, don't be like that," he sighs.

"Whatever, Michael. Just go eat or whatever. I'm tired," I state.

He groans and leaves the room. Ten or fifteen minutes later, he returns. I'm on my stomach, face buried in the pillows. I'm exhausted and want to be left alone to sleep. Is that too much to ask?

"Look, honey, I'm sorry. About being late, about the pregnancy thing, about being an asshole... I'm sorry," he sighs. I turn to my side and look at him.

"You're always late."

"I know. I'm sorry. It's part of the job," he repeats. I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, I know."

He turns off the light and pulls me into his arms. That's how I fall asleep.

The next morning, I find a small note on Michael's empty pillow. It's written in his rush, scribbled penmanship.

Luke,

I'm so sorry, dear. I got an emergency call and had to go to work. I'll be back before you know it. I love you.

-Mike

Of course.