Private Peaceful Extension

Chapter 14

I shan't close my eyes or else I'll slip into unconsciousness and I can't. I can't experience those few horrific moments again. How can something be so traumatising yet be so significant and precious at the same time?
I want to forget but I feel if I will then I will forget them and I can't do that. I shall never do such a thing. Instead I blink the tears away that are attempting to escape from my eyes. I blink  and the tears are gone, like when they died. I blinked and THEY was gone. It's my fault. There's no-one to tell me it isn't. No-one to tell me that I couldn't have prevented it.
Tonight, more than anything though, I want to get them off of my mind. They're always on my mind. In my waking moments as well as my sleeping, I see the same terrible images I saw 10 years ago. My dreams get worse as the days go by, more vivid.
I can't stay awake any longer. My eyes lose focus and my lids begin to droop. I can't move, I've suddenly been paralysed. My eyes forget how to see but my brain replaces the lack of vision with constant flashes of dreadful images. Ones from Charlie and one's of the day THEY died....
Alone, I sit on mother's old chair, rummaging through all of our old stuff from when we were young right up until a few years ago. Letters we sent home from war are folded neatly in the bottom of the box and Big Joe's art work, of animals mostly, is piled on top. I stare at the most recent newspaper for a little while before gathering the courage to plunge my hand deep into the box and retrieve one of the
many letters. I find my hand holding a letter with Charlie's writing on it and it's addressed to Molly.
'Should I really open this? ' I think to myself. I look back the newspaper on the table again, half-hoping it will give me an answer. It says " 'Out with the old and in with the new' says Colonel Hankey when he officially was announced the new Colonel. 'It's a shame that the old one died'"
I stop reading.
'I'm stalling and I know it, just got to get it over with.'
I carefully unfold the letter and begin to read it :

My dear Molly,
I am so sorry. You will be left without a husband and Little Tommo will be left without a father. I know you have heard stories about me. I hope the Officers have told you the truth about me. I feel like you will think of me differently now. Apparently, Sergeant Hanley's dead now. Good for him. Serves him right. My friends died because of him. Tommo still lives no THANKS to him. He was not a very nice man at all.
Since I won't be there to do this myself, I made Tommo promise that he will do it for me ; that as long as he lives he will look after you and Little Tommo. I think Tommo still likes, you know, so I trust him to do this for me.
I am sorry that I have to go but I couldn't leave him there. I probably would have died anyway, following Hanley's orders.
I love you dearly,
Charlie Peaceful

I notice multiple tears drop onto the parchment and begin to smudge the ink, the tears not only belonging to me but to someone behind me.
"He was so brave, wasn't he?" Molly says, tears still running down her cheeks. I struggle to get the words out as my throat tightens so I just nod.
"He didn't deserve that. I know what really happened. Those dirty, lying...." Her voice trails off. We have no more to say.  I go to get up but she gently places her hand on my shoulder and mouths the word 'stay' so I stay. We hear Big Joe and Little Tommo playing outside and smile as they gently handle the insects in the garden They sing Oranges and Lemons under their breath as they walk inside together. I hear the footsteps get fainter but I don't look where Big Joe and Little Tommo went. Instead, I gaze out of the window but I turn my head slightly when I feel Molly looking at me again so she is in my peripheral.
Then Little Tommo calls for her from another room and Molly leaves me. I can hear Charlie calling for me. I've been buried alive. I need to answer his calls but I can't. I barely have enough oxygen to breathe. Dead bodies lie next to me, some I recognise. I can't. I'd rather die.
"Tommo!" 
I scream to see if they can hear me under the mounds of earth but loose my breath quickly. Too quickly. I feel almost certain that I am dieing.
I can't hear anymore nor can I see. I cannot feel my body, I cannot move it.
Wait.. I can feel someone hugging my arm tightly and someone's lips brush my forehead. My eyes open. All I can see is light. Am I going to heaven?
My eyes open wider. Someone notices that my eyes cannot cope with the brightness and the light disappears. Another fit.
"Oh, Tommo! I thought for sure you were a goner!" said Molly, she wipes her eyes that are now red from more crying. She throws herself at me and her embrace is surprisingly shaky.
"Tell me what's going on with you. I'm worried" she whispers in my ear. But before I can answer, Little Tommo throws himself at me and hugs me so tight. No words come out of his mouth, just tears pouring down his cheeks.

When I recover, I sit down with Molly at the table. She half smiles at me and pulls out the a booklet about a school nearby.
"I don't think he's fit to go to school, he is a lot like Big Joe but in a way that questions whether he should be around others not just people his age." I say with a concerned countenance.

"He's okay with us though, and he's amazing with animals..."says Molly.

"Yeah, we know that but you saw him getting bullied by the neighbourhood children. He's only just learnt how to walk and how to talk as well!"
"So, what? He's a slow learner." Molly shrugged.
"He can't go to school! He'll get bullied! He won't keep up! Mr Munnings is still there and you know how he is!" She flinches as my hand slams on the table and my chair falls on its side.
I glance at Molly before picking the chair back up and putting it back where it was. I sit down again.
" What I'm trying to say is that you should home-school him."
She doesn't reply with words but her head moves slowly up and then down.
"I'm sorry, I just feel strongly about this. I have Big Joe as a brother for God's sake!"
"Yeah, I help look after him. " Her protests are cut short by a knock on the door.
"Moll? Get that, will you?" I ask her, trying to smile at her convincingly.
Glaring at me, she stands up, walks down the hallway and opens the door.
"Hello, Mrs Peaceful." says the person standing at the door. "I'd like to speak to Tommo Peaceful please?"
"Excuse me?" I say, peering round the doorway. "Oh hello, Colonel Hankey."
"And who are you, sir?"
"None of your business for now. Why do you need Tommo Peaceful?" I ask.
"Tommo Peaceful is old enough to assist me with my hunting now. If Tommo Peaceful does not join my hunting team tonight , you will no longer have a house."
Heavy footsteps followed by light ones, cause us to turn around.
Big Joe and Little Tommo are walking towards the door.
"Is that little Tommo Peaceful?" Colonel Hankey says.
" Sorry, Uncle Tommo. I couldn't sleep. I- "
Molly and I stop listening. Colonel Hankey now holds a hunting gun in his hand, his finger hovers over the trigger
"Is that who I think that is with him? Should be working down at the Big House! Dirty, unintelligent, stupid, able-bodied -" he aims at Big Joe and fires. "SCUM!"
I blink just as he fires and  I blink again and feel as if everything is rushing past me. I see Little Tommo on the floor, who is curled up in a ball in an attempt to protect himself. Then I blink again and everything goes back to normal.
"Why did he do that?" I shout but no-one answers me.
"TOMMO ?!?" I hear Molly shout but I immediately know she's not talking to me. She rushes past me, a concerned look on her face.
"What's happened, Moll?" I say, but she doesn't respond.
I scramble to my feet with difficulty to see for myself.
I gasp as I see Little Tommo lying flat on the floor, facedown, a puddle of blood surrounding his head which has a bullet sized hole in it.
"Nooooooo!" Molly wails. She places a hand on Little Tommo's chest and cries silently for a few moments.
"Stupid indeed but should have a job. He can't have a job, they say. There's something wrong with him, they say." Colonel Hankey mumbles. He looks up.
"Shame, I missed. Waste of a bullet if you ask me." He places his finger on the trigger once more, aiming for Big Joe who is about to have a breakdown.
Abruptly, there is loud bang and I cry out. My vision gets more blurred by the second and then eventually all goes black. The darkness seems to consume me. But then the light slowly begins to appear and I see Molly standing over me. I notice that her face is screwed up and tears are leaking out of her blood-shot eyes.
"T-T-Tommo?"
"Where's Big Joe?" I say, with a hoarse voice.
I see her try to speak but nothing happens. She finally gives up and shakes her head. I try my hardest to hold back the tears and act like Charlie did when he stood up to Hanley. Charlie was brave but I'm not. I give up and allow the tears to flow down my cheeks. I barely see Molly pick something up and hand it to me through my tears. I quickly wipe my eyes so that I can see what it is. A poster.
'The Big House'
Anyone who does not work in the Big House, or
apply to, will be shot. No exceptions.
Dead line: 5th November
Colonel Hankey.
"Why?" I cried, looking up at Molly. "Why?"