Crimson

Chapter 1-Lara

I shoved open the door to the balcony using all my strength and it opened with an earsplitting clang. I doubled over, out of breath from running up five sets of stairs and my vision began to blur as the tears cascaded down my face. My heart beat thumped loudly and for a minute I concentrated on its regularity, using it to calm my self down and settle my now frayed nerves as I slid down into the folding chair. I knew what had to be done and there was no going back now, no matter how much I wished differently. I looked down at my watch in trepidation: 11.21 pm. I had three minutes left and I began to giggle almost maniacally as it occurred to me that I was nothing if not punctual even for my own death. I reached behind the chair and located the bottle of vodka that I had stashed there this morning in preparation for this very moment. I steeled myself for the harsh taste and took three big gulps, struggling as I swallowed the brutal taste which I knew would do nothing for me tonight. I took a deep breath and stood up slowly, decisively. I walked to the edge of the balcony and wrapped my hands tightly around the top of the bars. 11.22pm. As I looked out over the balcony at the vivid bright lights of the city, I thought bitterly about why I was doing this and my resolve strengthened. God I hated him. He more than anyone deserved this. I hoped after this he'd feel like I do: cold and dead inside. Like your hearts been crushed by a meat grinder over and over again and is still expected to beat like all the other hearts. 11.23pm.
I leaned my weight against the metal balcony bars and hoisted myself up onto it, balancing precariously on the edge of the bars, barely thick enough for my feet to rest on them. I sighed in relief, it was nearly over. 11.24 pm. I remembered reading a book when I was younger about near death experiences and how sometimes people claimed all their most monumental moments flashed before their eyes before they reached the next destination. Some times they were hit with moments they had never considered special but had ended up being irreconcilably lifechanging anyway. I had always wondered what mine would be. Anyway my point is I want you to know that when I jumped off that balcony at 11.24pm I wasn't hit with a magic playlist focusing on the best moments of my life. I was filled with a sense of satisfaction that finally they would all get exactly what they deserved and honestly that was good enough for me