I stood outside the shithole I'd been stuck inside for two months. Two whole months of useless therapy with stuck up professionals telling me that I'm either 'not normal' or saying that they can 'fix me'. But nobody can be the same after the things I've seen, that shit fucks you up and the hallucinations certainly haven't gotten better since I've been here.
I pulled my pack of cigarettes out of my pocket, it's been hell without these, not that it wasn't anyway to be honest. I lit one, putting it in my mouth as I waited for my dad's car to pull up. He stopped, giving me the same look of disappointment he did before the police took me from him. That same cold emotionless stare, with those tired dead eyes, he'd given up caring years ago. He just stared at me, trying to give an indication for me to get in the car, I obliged.
"I told you to stop that already Daniel,"
"Not your life, not your choice. And it's dan...always has been." I groaned, inhaling the chemicals as I turned to the open window.
He coughed uncomfortably, trying to move on to another subject, "How was it?"
"Hell," I stated, taking in another lung full of smoke. I pushed my straightened black hair out of my eye as we passed normal people who most likely have a normal family and normal jobs. But nothing is normal about me really, is it?
"Did you even try?"
I gritted my teeth harshly, trying to not get heated, " I always try."
We sat in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before I threw my cigarette butt out of the window, I listened to him mutter, " You never change, do you?" Under his breath in reaction to my actions. We pulled up outside of the grey coloured structure I'm supposed to love.
"Home sweet home..." I muttered sarcastically under my breath, grabbing the duffel bag of my things. I put one foot in front of the other, taking feather light steps towards the front door, it almost looked menacing, but if have to get used to it all over again. Then I stopped for a moment, trying to steady my shaky breathing to hope my dad wouldn't notice how much of a wreck I was. He would have thought I was pathetic. I approached the door, grasping the cold metal handle, it felt all too familiar. Pulling it down, a wave of emotions hit me as I entered the hallway. A few fleeting images of things that have happened in this God forsaken house hit me like a ton of bricks, but before I could think into it too much I got my bag and took my things up the old creaky stairs. Small steps, small steps. I could see the familiar signs up on my door, "piss off", some old poster about bad angels and witches and some band stickers covering up a taped up hole from when I punched through the door. I pulled down the handle, pushing the door open into my place of solitude. But something was different. It didn't feel as safe as it once did, it was my safe haven, but yet again, police aren't very comforting.
I sat down at my desk, logging into my laptop. 27 notifications. Probably my YouTube subscriptions. That's until I checked my tumblr. My page looked roughly the same apart from the fact I had 4 comments and 3 dms. I checked the comments on my last post before getting hauled into the psych ward. I wince at the thought of having to read it through as it was obviously going to bring up some dark memories. I sighed as a looked at the post, it read, "I can't do this anymore, they're coming for me and I'm not going to be able to get away, goodbye- D."
I was overwhelmed with emotion to the point I couldn't feel anything. Then I was forced to snap back into reality, thinking about the main point I was looking at the post in the first place. The comments. There was a few boring comments, a few telling me to kill myself and then there was a couple I've never seen before. AmazingPhil? The new comment.
It read," I know you don't know me but I'm really worried and you should talk to someone." this was commented just after id been taken.
Then there was another from him a few days later, " I hope you're ok."
Then another a further few days later, " people love and care about you d."
Then another, "please, let somebody help."
My eyes glistened, it hurt me slightly. I clicked off of the post and into my dms. Again, from Amazingphil. I sighed and read through them:
Amazingphil:
I'm always here if you need to talk to someone
I know you don't know me but it might help
Are you ok?
I closed my laptop hastily, nobody had ever cared, there wasn't a chance anyone would start now. Well, that's what I thought.
