Hello guys. I know I was long absent, but I am slowly trying to get back into writing. I can't believe how many clicks and comments I got while I was gone. Thank you all so, so much. From the heart. This here is just a tiny thing. I hope you like it anyway.
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I am sorry...
You whisper in my ear and it sounds like nothing to me.
Just a sweet, breathy promise, so shallow and blank.
Your soft, sweet smelling skin brushing against mine in the half dark and I do not care that I can't reach out for your heart. I am in the dark and trembling grip of my own desolation without you.
Sometimes I am even afraid that I have no feelings at all anymore.
Oh, there is this numbness that goes so deep. Leaves me calm in the eye of almost everything.
Just in moments like this I let my emotions crawl up from underneath the shadows. The hard wall I keep around myself.
They get precious then. So clear.
Like raindrops on a spider web.
Like a single strand of pure copper laying right beside your warm, coral toned mouth.
Like my wet, dripping lips capturing yours in a taken plea.
Why don't you let me?
I am sitting with my back leaned against my car's sun warmed up backside, feeling the comforting metal on the skin of my neck. It feels like home sometimes. Like the place I belong. Beside something moving, unsteady, something I can always save when it's dying, repair when it's crushed to it's innards.
Oh I am so tired of breaking things.
I can hear the cracks of your mind when you are screaming at me. It's louder than every word you say.
The air around me has that dull, heavy smell of a late summer afternoon. It smells like calmness. Like a soft embrace of opportunity that has you breathing slower, making you feel you exist. It's a short point of realization. All the things you could have said...I could.
Sometimey you just take it.
Your pale hands claiming me like a creamy white predator with wild eyes.
Because you always just take what you want. You always get it.
A king with no crown...and then I can see it sometimes. Your golden, rich hair. The way you move your head.
Up and down.
Because you are not gay.
But you need to be wanted.
How much I want you...
Soft, pulsing desire and I hate you so much that my body aches to leave.
To let you go.
You're a nightmare in golden sheets.
Sweet, sweet dripping honey that sticks to me.
You use me. And I can't forgive.
Just walking into atmospheres on purpose. Being melancholic is painful, but beautifully slow at the same time.
I keep my eyes wide shut.
YOU ARE READING
Eyes Wide Shut.
Fanfiction"Sweet, sweet dripping honey that sticks to me. You use me. And I can't forgive." Slaxl.
