void » joshler

one

tyler's skinny hands carefully cut the tiniest sliver possible off of a slice of cake jenna bought him. he didn't want too much sugar or too many calories. "what the hell...i'll eat a little more." he says softly and cuts about a third off of the cake slice. he knew he'd regret it and it'd end up in his toilet bowl later. but that was later. this cake was really good and he didn't want to upset his best friend. he wasn't even hungry. he sends jenna a video of him eating the cake.

after he finishes he sets his phone on the kitchen counter and sighs. he walks into his room feeling the soft plush carpet on his feet. he rubs his face softly before looking in the mirror. he was only in a long sleeve shirt and a pair of panties. he lifts his shirt up and stares at himself. you could clearly see almost all of his bones. his little hips protruded outwards and made him look like a girl. his long skinny fingers run along his hip bones. he was tiny. he only weighed like 90 pounds. his fingers traced the scars on his boney arms and up to his collarbones. he touches them lightly and bites his lip. they could show more than they do.

tyler walks to his bathroom and kneels in front of the toilet and shoves his skinny fingers down his throat. his small quiet apartment fills with the sounds of his gagging. his eyes water and he cringes as he feels the cake being brought back up. he throws up the cake and coughs lightly. "nasty." he whispers as he wipes his mouth. he flushes the toilet and makes his way to his kitchen. he grabs a clear glass from the cabinet and fills it with ice and water. he leans against the counter and swishes water around in his mouth. he spits it in the sink. he hated the taste of vomit. after that he slowly sips the rest of his water before putting the glass in the sink.

he sighs out softly and goes to his bed. he lays down and closes his eyes. he could fall asleep right now. he was always so tired. he knew it was a symptom of his disorder though. he opens his chocolate brown eyes and grab the small notebook he kept by bed. he writes the date at the top of the page in pretty cursive writing and smiles. he loved his handwriting. he writes 'cake' and puts how many calories he estimated it was. next to it he writes 'thrown up 30 minutes later'. after writing in his calorie journal he sets it on his nightstand and decides to take a nap. he closes his eyes and pulls his multiple blankets over his cold pale body. he quickly drifts off to sleep due to lack energy.

tyler gets up a few hours later and rubs his eyes with his tiny hands. he checks his phone and smiles softly. he had a message request from a new person on instagram. he opens it and giggles.

joshuadun: you are very pretty. i don't think i've ever seen anyone that gorgeous (:

wow. he was used to the compliments but no one this hot had ever said something like that to him. he was used to creepy old men and premature boys asking if he was a trap.

tyler.lark: oh goodness...thanks so much

he was so happy. he giggles softly and looks at the guy's instagram. he was tall and handsome. how'd this guy find him pretty? he was too skinny and too short and just...bad. tyler wasn't good. his mother would be so ashamed if she saw him right now. saw his social media. saw how tiny he was. saw his premium snapchat. she'd be livid. too bad she cut him off years ago. tyler sighs softly and stares at a picture of his family hanging on the wall. tyler's skinny arms were wrapped around his sister and he was laughing. his mother was sitting behind them holding baby jay. zack was next to her. and their dad wasn't to be seen. not surprising. tyler's happy mood had now faded. great.

tyler stares at his closet and looks through it. maybe posting on instagram would cheer him up. he got out a pink crop top that said 'daddy' in yellow writing and a pair of fishnets. he stripped down to his panties and breathes out softly. he'd be dead if his mom found out. he was already wearing a black high waisted thong so he just pulls the fishnets on over those. he puts on the croptop and then walks to his living room. he ignores the lightheaded feeling he had and turns on his camera and ring light. if he passed out it'd be fine. he always passes out. he turns his camera on a 10 second timer and sits down in front of it. he does an ahegao face as his camera snaps the photo. he stands up slowly and blinks away the stars that formed in his vision. he hated this. he leans on the wall for a second until his vision returns to normal. he walks back over to his camera and removes the memory card. he walks to his room and pulls his laptop out from under his bed. he uploads the picture to his instagram and smiles. perfect.

after uploading the picture he gets up to have a cup of tea. well...he doesn't make it to the kitchen. he feels lightheaded and can't sit down in time so he passes out on the kitchen floor. he wakes up a few minutes later and rubs his eyes. he was tired of this shit. he gets up and walks back to his bedroom. he didn't want tea anymore. he didn't want to do anything but sleep. he pulls off the crop top and fishnets and puts on his ex boyfriend's hoodie. he goes to sleep quietly. he wished he wasn't so lonely.

this is a normal day for tyler.