How NOT to write a story (Rant book)

Subplots and characters

I hate it soooo much when too many things happen at once. Like, two people would have just met and then after one meeting, he's all "you're the most interesting person I've ever met!" That's actually happened in a story I read but I'm not naming names. And then it has way too many subplots that are suddenly resolved in the end! Here's what I'm talking about:

"OHHHW MY GAWD! I ONLY HAVE LIKE, 10 MINUTES UNTIL THE BELL!!!!!!" (That's one long passing period...) I screamed and started running to class when I bumped into some random 5'7, dark skinned, fit male with brown eyes that you could just swim in all day. His eyelashes were long and beautiful and his face was one of an angel. His fingers were 3 inches long and each strand of hair was about 4 inches. (seriously, I thought you were late for class... And how do you know all this about him if you just met??) "watch it!" He exclaimed.

What the heck! It's not like I was the one who bumped into him. (Uh, yeah you were) He should be the one apologizing. He was just walking in the middle of the hallway. I mean, who does that?? (Everyone?) He started to pick up my books and hand them to me.

"You're welcome," he said politely.

"I don't need your help! You're just a bad boy trying to mess with my head and make me think you like me and then break my heart. Why would you like me?! I'm so ugly and you're like a supermodel!" I cried.

"No! I love you, Mary Sue!" He replied, "You're perfect. You're so beautiful and you changed my ways. I'm not a player anymore!"

I started crying at this and ran into my room. (I thought you were just at school???) I grabbed a blade from my closet and started slitting my wrists as the blood filled the bathtub. (When did she get into a bathtub?! I wish I could teleport too!) Gosh, I wish I could teleport too.) I'm so fat and ugly... Even though I'm only like barely 100 pounds and Nina Dobrev is playing me. (I hate when that happens!)

I skipped dinner like I do every night after my dad beat me up and called me ugly names (too many sub plots!! My head is spinning! I think I just got whiplash) and went straight to bed.

At 4:23 AM while it was still dark outside, Chad texted me (so that's his name). I miss you, it said, I'm sorry for earlier. He should be, I thought. (What did he do???)

Suddenly, an epiphany came to me. I think I love chad! I'm also not actually ugly at all and feel ready to stand up to the blond skank who bullies me at school. I feel completely comfortable in my skin now! Wow! I didn't realize all these things before! "Chad," I grabbed his hands, "I love you!" (Wait. Weren't you just alone in your room?) I waited anxiously for his reaction and he answered "I love you too!"

I was completely and utterly stunned at this. Wow, he sure is good at hiding that he loves me! (even though he clearly stated it like 6 subplots ago) "let's get married!" He exclaimed.

"Okay! Because my father is super nice now and cutting was stupid of me and I feel beautiful now And I am eating again and the blond skank at school stopped bullying me! Everything is right in the world!"

"Btw, I'm a vampire/werewolf." He said,"and I have to leave because I could hurt you."

"Wwwhhhhaaaaa?????? Now I'm gonna go sink into a deep depression even tho we just met a few hours ago." (has it even been a few hours? I'm confused myself...)

See what happens in book 2!!!!

(Just kidding. There is no book 2. ;) )

THE END.

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So I exaggerated a bit... But there are still stories with WAAAY too many subplots that don't go into detail at all or is a serious matter and the story makes it like its not a big deal. I recently read a story where it went a little too fast a I felt a bit unsatisfied at the end. The story was REALLY good, but I found it hard to really get into it because it didn't describe the subplots well enough.

Moral of the story is: DONT TRUST THE SYSTEM! Just kidding. (That song is hilarious tho. Watch it on YouTube)

The REAL moral of the story is: Slow Down. Let the readers fully understand the essence of your characters and what they are going through and how they are feeling. Don't rush if you can't see where you're going because you could crash. Slowly develop the subplots. Don't just go "btw, I'm a vampire" because that would cause me to immediately delete it from my library, bash it on here, and then apologize later. That is all together too much work for me. So just don't do it. Please?

What you SHOULD do is add hints. There were no little hints that he is a vampire/werewolf.

But you know what would make it sooo much easier? JUST DONT MAKE A VAMPIRE OR A WEREWOLF STORY!!! It's too cliche and overdone. And if you really want him to be some supernatural creature, please make it different than others or just be a really really really really really really really good writer. Such a good writer that no one cares that it's super cliche... But doing that is pretty hard. Even Stephanie Meyers couldn't do that. (I'm not bashing her. She's my favorite writer.) but even though she is my favorite writer, a lot of people, including me, found it hard to get over how cliche Twilight was and how annoying Edward and Bella became. (still team Jacob cause Edward is a creepy pedophile jerk. Like seriously. For one he is like 10000 years older than her and he WATCHES HER WHILE SHE SLEEPS!!! Bella should have gotten a restraining order from the start!!!!)

In conclusion, slow down, develop the subplots and characters, and don't make it cliche.

-yours truly, Hadassah. ;)