The Real Reasons I Write

Main reasons

So, as you may have seen the title of this book. These are the true reasons I write.

Writing is a form of escape for me. It's helped me through many hard times. It's helped me figure out my sexuality for example. But, as of recent, I'm afraid that I've let the idea of writing push itself into my thoughts so frequently that I feel that the world I'm living in is not my own. 

I express my emotions through writing. As many of you have read before (if you been around long enough to remember Scary Real) that I have dealt with self-harm, suicidal tendencies, and much more. I use my creative outlets as a way to get rid of these feelings. It's helped for the most part, but I still deal with them daily.

Most of the reason why I mainly write self insert fanfics is due to the fact that I have real life commitment issues/ trust issues in relationships. For example, I had a girlfriend maybe about 2 1/2 years ago. I loved her with all of my heart, she was so kind and understanding to me. But one day, I was going through her insta (we were co-owners of the account) and she was talking to another girl and stating that she was 'single' and stuff. It was a total lie. I kept the fact that I knew hidden, until I had to say something. I told her and she told me she would never do it again, well we just had arguments from then until we stopped talking. Do I miss her? Fuck yeah I do, she's the only person that I ever felt loved by. That's why when I found out, I cut myself up so badly that my arms were covered in my own blood then I was placed into a mental institution. But this hasn't happened before, I've been cheated on multiple times. I've just gotten so numb that I don't do anything about it until they break up with me. Dating me is like dating a brick wall, cold, and unemotional.

I'm so sorry but I don't think I can tell you much more at the moment. It's just hard to talk about.