The Ineffable Summer

𝑜𝓃𝑒

It was one week into your summer vacation. One week since you finished your second year of college...and one week since you've last seen him.

Him.

You groaned and placed your head in your hands.

Him (pronoun): the boy who you had a crush on since the first year; the boy who shared the same interests as you; the boy who made you laugh; the boy who understood your jokes and references; and above all, the boy who only saw you as merely....a friend. 

Him (pronoun): the boy who friend zoned you.

No, you say to yourself, I will not be spending this summer thinking about him. You sat straight up, and stared at your reflection from the mirror across from you. Miss Skylar Ryan, you will nOT be thinking about that boy who does not feel the same way about you! You nodded and walked towards the mirror.

"Okay, listen up," you say out loud as you pointed at your reflection, "This summer will about self-love and self-care. Nothing less." You closed your eyes, inhaling and exhaling as you opened them again. "That's right. Self-love and self-care."

After that "talk", you made your way back into bed and clicked on the Spotify app. It was 12.30 in the afternoon and you were in the mood to listen to music. Heck, being a music connoisseur yourself, you were always in the mood for music. You hit shuffle and connected your iPhone to the BlueTooth speaker. After it connected, you placed your phone down and laid down on your bed. You shut your eyes, waiting to be immersed in the music.

"I can love you desperately, though your love ain't guaranteed" The opening verse of Someone New by Banks played and you immediately opened your eyes. Sure, it was just a song  about not being with someone because it wasn't the right time and place, but it was also the song he gave me to listen. You quickly reached for your phone, only to find out that you were shuffling songs from your For Him playlist - a playlist that you made just for him. A playlist which you made public on his birthday, with hopes that he might see you listen to it on the Friend's Activity feature on Spotify. Fighting back the tears that were starting to form, you heavily sighed and looked up, only to see your reflection staring back at you.

You stared back and saw that the tears you were desperately fighting back made their way down your cheek. "This summer will about self-love and self-care." You reminded yourself of the mantra earlier, "Nothing less." You closed your eyes, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth, and opened them again. That's right you said to yourself as you looked down at your phones screen, the For Him playlist staring right back at you. Your thumb made its way towards the three dots on the top right corner and clicked on it, revealing more options of what to do with the said playlist. You scrolled down and found the option you were looking for: delete playlist. Wait, you stopped yourself, I have some really good songs on that playlist! You hesitated and was about to exit from the app until your screen changed.

Your best friend, Ayla, was calling you - more like, checking up on you to see if you were okay. You accepted the call and laid down on your bed. "Hey, Skye!" she greeted "What's up!"

"What do you think?" You scoffed. Ayla sighed over the phone, "I'm so sorry you're hurting. But, what did I say last time?"

"That I deserve better and that I should stop wasting my tears over him" you recited as you wiped away your tears.

"Mhm, and what is your ass doing now?"

You sighed, "Listen, I was on Spotify listening to music and I didn't even realize that I hit shuffle on the playlist I made for him"

"W-wait," Ayla interrupted, "You made a playlist for him?"

"Yes, Ayla, I did," you sniffled and tried to compose yourself, "My hopeless romantic ass made him a playlist for his birthday." It falls silent. "Okay, laugh at me, Ayla! Tell me I'm dumb, stupid, and whatever you want to call me."

"Skye...no!" She answered, only to fall silent again. "Okay, maybe you are a little dumb and stupid for making him a playlist, but what's done is done. There's no changing what you did."

"Yeah," you answered back, feeling a little bit better. Talking to Ayla always made you feel better, which is why she's your best friend.

"So, you know what you got to do."

You sat back up. "Like, delete the playlist?"

"Well, duh! How are you going to get over him when you're always listening to that damn playlist!"

"Okay, I'm not always listening-"

"Yeah, doesn't matter," she interrupted, "Delete it. Now."

"But it has some really good songs in there-"

"Come oN, Skye!" Ayla raised her voice, "Look, I love you, but you need to get over him. Yes, you have feelings for him, but does he have those same feelings for you? You're just going to hurt yourself even more if you don't delete that stupid playlist. God, if I were there..." you put the call on loudspeaker and opened Spotify, "...I would so grab your phone and delete that playlist for you. You're lucky I'm not there."

You sighed as you were back at the options page of your playlist, "I honestly kind of wished you were." You hear Ayla sigh in response.

"Okay, I'm sorry I was a little harsh, but someone's got to say it, Skye."

"No, you're right," your thumb hovered over the delete playlist button and pressed it. 

"Are you sure?" asked the screen, "Do you want to delete the playlist containing 150 songs?" You rolled your eyes and proceeded to click delete.

"There, I deleted."

"That's my girl!"

You laid back down and sighed, "All 150 songs deleted" ...and all 150 memories you note to yourself.

"150?! You know what, I'm not even gonna say anything at this point."

You laugh, "I know, I know! You just got to bear with me for now"

"Girl, I'm going to bear with you forever and ever! That's a fact!"

"Forever and ever?"

"Forever and ever."

"Thank you, Ayla" you smile, "Thank you for being the Scott McCall o my Stiles Stilinski."

"Anytime! Now, tell me what you want from Europe."