I feel like I'm running on a treadmill. Just constant pushing forward only getting nowhere. The old urges coming back as I feel myself slip away into an abyss of something I don't want. Feelings returning then leaving again pushing and pulling me with them. As two sides of myself compete in a never ending battle of good and bad. My mind swirling with ideas closely followed by their shadows which harbor my inner monsters. I can feel myself slip further and further away from the me I used to be each day. Every night seeming to get longer and longer as sleep leaves my body empty and full of fear and paranoia. My body longing to finally go to sleep permanently.
