I walk outside
The crisp air stings my skin
But I don't care
Tears roll down my cheeks
I tilt my head up for a moment
And whisper "why?"
Before collapsing onto my knees
My body sinks to the cold ground
I lie there for a while
Curled in a ball
Face turning red from the tears sliding down it
I draw in a ragged breath
and tell myself "You can make it."
Slowly
I lift myself up
With the sleeves of my sweater
I wipe away the stains tears left behind
Put on a smile
And try to find distraction
Yet with every night
Comes all the haunting thoughts
The ones that hurt the most
I lie here for hours
Just waiting and wishing
For them to stop
They claw at my insides
Tearing me apart
Questions, words, doubts
Everything replays in my mind's eye
So much in so little time
It kills me
The thoughts
The wondering
I'm worried
I don't like what's been happening
It all seems to be falling apart
Every new understanding
Ripped out from underneath
Quicker than the last
So many people
So lost
And I cannot fix
I am so very sorry
For I feel anything I do
Will cause someone pain
Only make more unhappiness
I can't stand it anymore
No one seems happy
All I see is the lorem ipsum*
Where is the lux ex tenebris*
Where is the lux in tenebris lucet*
*lorem ipsum- sorrow itself; pain for it's own sake
*lux ex tenebris- light from the darkness
*lux in tenebris lucet- the light that shines in the darkness
