In the beginning, God created heaven, the earth, and homosexuals.
The earth was flat, only space around it. And the spirit of Gay looked at it.
And Gay said, "Its dark, turn on a light in this bitch." And there was a light in that bitch.
And Gay saw the light, and it was aight: and Gay divided light and dark.
And Gay named the light Day (named after Them with a D because of Their eternal wisdom), and the darkness he called Night (They don't know why). And the evening and the morning became the first day.
And Gay said, "Queen, this water is ruining my entire look. Get yo ass outta here!" And the water somehow understood and separated from the sky.
Gay called the sky Homo Heaven. And the evening and the morning became the second day.
And Gay called on the dirt saying, "Girl, you gotta come out to shine!" and so the earth came out of the sea.
And Gay called the dry land Earth (cause They were high and forgot how to write dirt) and the waters they called Sea (cause They were high as mentioned before and loves the letter): and Gay saw it was fabulous.
And Gay said, "Gurl, void gases don't get me high enough, what if I breath in a plant."
So the Earth grew weed, but also tried to intervene and grow some veggies and fruits. They didn't touch that shit. And Gay was too high to say anything but They looked like They were having a good time so lets just say They liked it.
And the evening and the morning were the third day.
And Gay said, "Its beautiful that the light is just living its best life with no one to support it, but like, it'll want a man/woman sooner or later so... bibbity boppity boo or whatever."
And it was so.
And Gay made the moon (cause They were doing the marshmallow challenge with Their Ace Angels and that's what I heard, man), the sun (dude, who even knows why), and the stars (cause They think everyone is a star no matter what).
And Gay put them all in the Homo Heaven to shine a spotlight on the Earth. And Gay was asleep at this point, but idk it was pretty good.
And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
And Gay said, "The sea is a jealous bitch, but I love them, so imma give it some pets..." When the sky saw the pets the sea got, they wanted some too. Gay agreed and gave it slightly lesser pets just to start that good tea.
And Gay created whales (They wanted to see just how big They could make it) and seahorses (as an excuse to make males go through birth). They also created swans (to be the most dramatic bird ever) and geese (to be a perfect excuse to hate birds). And Gay rubbed Their hands together and agreed that the tea was gonna be good.
And Gay told them, "I'm all for safe sex, but how about you have kids please."
And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
And Gay saw the loneliness of the Earth and said "Oh shit, forgot you existed, want some pets too?" The Earth agreed and Gay created whatever he could with the spare parts from the other creations (the platypus was Their favorite).
And Gay didn't really care at this point, but his PR team made it seem like he liked it.
And God said, "Everyone else has so many people to be friends with, but I'm just everyone's side hoe... imma make a creature that has to love me."
So Gay created a man in Their own image, and after the man was comfortable enough to share with Gay what he wanted and not just what Gay wanted, Gay made him another man.
And Gay loved them, saying: "Be the best you you can be, darlings. I love you and respect you so much, I'm giving you everything you see around you. You can feast on the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and the cattle on the Earth."
And Gay said, "Look, I have given you every plant you could want (try the weed) and every tree you could want to eat from."
"Also, there are like, multiple kinda dangerous beasts around here, but if you manage to kill and eat them, I ain't gonna be mad, cause I totally put them there just for you and only you... you're gonna hafta share the Earth with them as long as you don't wipe them out."
And Gay saw everything that They had made, and, dang, it was fabulous. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
