Asking Why

This is the beginning

I am Rowan Sterling and I am bad with words.

But I would like to state three words you should know before I start this story.

Beauty is important.

Sorry, but it is.

It has shaped our culture whether you like it or not.

And it isn't just a state of mind.

It's a lifestyle.

You can trust me on this.

I know beauty.

It's what I was raised with and whom I was raised by.

I'm beautiful.

You can choose to look down upon me for saying that if you'd like.

But I am.

I know this.

I know this because being beautiful is an expectation that I have strived my whole life to maintain.

Yes, the fact that I was born physically beautiful helps.

But that is not why I'm beautiful.

I'm always pleasant.

I always help.

I am trustworthy.

I am mature.

I am responsible.

I don't get angry.

I don't tell secrets.

I am made up of every beautiful trait on the planet.

I remember when I was younger, and my parents friends would tell me I was beautiful. I used to blush and say thank you, a smile stuck on my face until I got home.

Then my mother would come upstairs and brush my hair in front of the bathroom mirror, smiling gently.

My mother was beautiful.

Truly beautiful.

There were lots of people that hated her for it.

I think it destroyed her.

She tried so hard to be everything people wanted her to be.

To show them she knew she wasn't better than anyone.

She did everything she could think of to show them she was a person just like them.

That she had good intentions.

She was there for anyone who needed her.

"It's an act." they'd say

She would let people borrow her clothes.

"She thinks of us as less fortunate because she's pretty."

She was everything people strive to be, and it destroyed her.

Do you understand?

She was broken up by what people thought she was.

So when she would brush my hair she would tell me that I wasn't beautiful because I looked good.

I was beautiful because of the way I acted, and how I treated people.

Like any little girl, I liked being pretty.

So I would spend hours at a time practicing strategies to keep me from ever getting upset.

 I did a good job too.

At least it appeared to be.

I was friends with everyone.

But the Choosing changed that.

In fact, it changed everything