Where it all go wrong.who know's?all my feelings and expectations for someone came crumbling down one night..or maybe i was just overreacting.well it was a normal day even a normal week looking back there's is no sign that it will end up like this.I am sad?maybe.Depress?ummm meh.i dont what im feeling right now becouse i dont what being depressed is like.it probably a mix of overthinking,suicidal thoughts,sadness,crying...alot of crying and regret.i regret lot of things. But i never regret being with her.i still love her (i hope she still felt the same towards me but hey time change") )i wont gave up even if its broke me.not yet.but right now,it is my lowest point yet.she probably dont know what she did wrong.she try to apologise but i dont want she to felt sorry for something she doesn't know.or i was just playing with my own feelings.last night i barely slept well,haven't eaten anything yet,shower?nope.i hate this feeling.i hate myself for not being good enough.i hate myself for telling her that...honestly dying seems to be a better option than staying alive just to have my feeling being played.well if i die,i dont have to felt this dreadful existence anymore.but my mom will get sad if i do it...she's probably my only motivation for not taking my own life right now.i hope that i could just be normal again.it is hard to be happy right now.so many stuff i going through my life right now that i wont tell and only some of my friends knew(including her) if she left me right now then......it would be empty
Love,
Ezzad
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