I'm annoyed.
I haven't slept since last Tuesday.
It's Monday.
Insomnia was a rare thing for me, and I never knew how bad insomnia was until I experienced it, myself. I would constantly feel like someone is watching me. Hallucinations would interfere with my day-to-day life. I'd feel...dead. Insomnia, in a way, made it even more difficult to fall asleep. paranoid all night about some "monster" with a thirst for my blood was enough to startle me, wide awake. My brain would erupt with voices for hours on end, hearing things that no one has ever said.
Then all of a sudden I hear faint voices. Although slightly uneasy, I do not tremble. I become aggravated at the noise keeping me awake. Even though I could not sleep anyway, it certainly is not helping me.
"Are they awake?"
"No doubt."
I quickly sit up. No one is there.
I lay back down and close my eyes.
"Damn delusions." I mumble, annoyed.
But then the same voices began again.
"They're awake."
"No doubt."
I cover my ears to block out the sound, but it was still loud and clear.
"I want to go to sleep!" I say with with a raised tone, wanting to cry in frustration.
The voices were getting louder.
"They're scared."
"NO DOUBT."
I wince at the increasing volume.
"Stop! Leave me alone!" I yell.
"THEY'RE RESISTING!"
"NO DOUBT!"
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I cry, curling up in my bed. I roll over onto my back and exhale out of distress.
Then I open my eyes.
wiping my tears, I see two figures with horrifying faces, leaning over me.
"They're aware."
"No doubt."
I scream in horror as they pull me out of my bed and onto the ground.
Usually a hallucination is only mentally transferred.
But this one was...insane.
Is there a such thing as a physical hallucination? Where fantasy is reality?
No.
That's impossible.
Which meant....this is not a hallucination.
It's real.
I fall to the ground, "Please let me go! I'm scared."
I look up at the figures, still in tears.
"I was trying to sleep!" I scream.
They don't respond.
"I'm talking to you! Let me live! Please!" I sob.
I cover my ears and shake my head, trying to wish away this nightmare.
"They are blinded."
"No doubt."
I got back onto my feet, swinging my arm at the figure on the left. It grabs my arm, only inches away from its shoulder. It then pulls me closer to itself, holding both my wrists with one hand.
I struggle to escape it's grasp until I am out of breath, panting.
With it's other hand, it reaches towards its horrid face and the other figure does the same.
I plead for freedom as they slowly ripped away their faces.
I quit squirming when I realize that they aren't monsters. In fact, the opposite. They were...
Before me, resides Felix and Marzia. I freeze in shock.
Felix held my wrist, but not in a terrifying manner, anymore. His grip reminds me of just how much I once needed them both by my side.
He lets go and I back away, soon seeing that I did not stand in my room anymore. I was on a glowing white platform surrounded by the stars, in space.
Marzia always did love astronomy.
She even had a telescope.
I smiled in memory. They use to be apart of my everyday life. I loved them so much...
Then...they changed.
They..they fucking changed.
They are nothing like they were back then. Why did they have to abandon me?
As if a switch is triggered, I turn hate onto both of them.
"What's your problem?!"
Felix and Marzia sit down on the platform, so I do the same.
"I don't have the problem. You do." Felix says, calm.
"I don't have a problem!" I testify, still enraged.
"Oh really?" He asks.
I twiddle my thumbs, bored of this pointless conversation. Once again...I find no interest in them. They changed.
"You have insomnia." He confirms.
"Yeah. But I'm not the one who dragged someone out of bed, interrupting their sleep." I retort, "Or turned into someone whom I cannot even recognize!"
They have no reaction to what I say.
Silence.
"Expected." Marzia nods.
"Huh?" I shrug, angrily.
"We aren't the only ones who have changed." Felix says.
"Sometimes we grow along with the ones we idol." Marzia smiles, "Or we take separate paths...and they'll be forgotten."
"I haven't forgotten you!" I assure them, deciding whether or not I'm mad at them.
"You have memory?" Felix provokes.
Of course I do! It was the only thing I ever did when I was upset!...I remember....
"I remember...smiling. laughing until it hurt." I shiver in nostalgia, "When...no one spoke to me..you told me what I wanted to hear."
"Isn't that a good thing?" He tilts his head.
"Well..you've changed! Both of you!" I point out.
"Oh, naive. Oh, young and so dumb. Oh, quick to throw blame at anyone else but thou." Marzia shook her head, "Remember and smile at the lovely past. Do not become irritated with what was not. It's as if you instructed an artist, then changed your preference. The difference is your inability to tell someone else what to do. You have no control over others. So a simple change such as what you had in mind should not be frowned upon. If you want something to change...change what only you can...you."
Why did this happen? I want to cry. I want to sleep. I'm so irritated. But why am I so angry at everyone else? Should I blame myself? I had fallen further from what low level I was situated at before, even though I did not think that was possible. I should learn to accept change. But it's so difficult to ignore it if I am in a different atmosphere.
"Please teach me how to accept goodbyes." I tear up, looking at the ground.
"Oh, less naive. Oh, less young and dumb. Oh, finally learning to mature." Marzia grinned.
"Goodbyes only terminate future occurrences. Memories will remain, without farewell." Felix grabs my hands.
"Thank you both. For everything. Even though we won't be as close, you will not be forgotten." I hugged them, yawning.
"Are you tired?" Marzia asked me.
I nod, rubbing my eyes.
"You're already asleep." Felix says.
"What?" I ask, softly.
"Lay down." Marzia commands.
I do as she says.
"Now close your eyes." Felix instructs.
I let my eyelids close as my vision starts to fade to black.
"This is just a dream." Felix admits, "And you will wake up. In 3....2....1..."
I outburst, "Wait-!"
My eyes open.
I'm back in my room. I'm back in my bed. I was asleep.
A dream.
It couldn't have been.
I haven't gotten sleep in weeks.
But I feel like I've been reset. Isn't that the satisfaction of an insomniacs first night of slumber? I've finally slept!
I look on my nightstand and see the same masks that Felix and Marzia wore in my dream...
"But I don't own any masks." I whisper to myself.
