ROBUST

Chapter One

Sometimes you get tired of things and the worst comes out of you. Those who are reading this most likely knows what I'm talking about. Even the quiet kid in class has their outbursts after a while. You push and push and push, expecting nothing but for them to do nothing until one day they act on how they feel, after time and time again of being somewhat abused. You can't blame your past for your actions because you have the ability and strength to do different. People can have similar paths in life and one goes down a better route than the other. You must decide whether you wanna go down the easy way which is succumbing to the evil life has brought to you, or the hard way which is to find true happiness within yourself and put your mind to the test so that you can become the best version of you. If you ask me, I'll die trying to find my true happiness. Let me introduce myself before I get spiritual.
I'm Illiana Bernard. I lived in MatterMann Arkansas. The small town was full of wealthy people. There lived NEWS anchors, the Mayor and his family, spoiled teenagers, and me. Arkansas was a hot place. So hot in fact you wouldn't be surprised seeing other women's asses all day long with their breasts popping out of their tank tops. Nothing new, but this was most of the time. Dare to go outside without a water bottle in the scorching hot sun, you'd remember next time to never leave home without water again.
I'm known as the girl with the "attitude problem" and the girl with no eyebrows. Yes, that's correct. I had no eyebrows and my teen years were fucking terrible. You'll know why soon enough. I have Trichotillomania. Not the STD, Trichomoniasis. Please don't mistake it for that. My trich is hair pulling and caused by anxiety, depression, shit... maybe genetics.
My senses woke before my eyes. I felt the cool air touch my body as it snuck in my cracked window. I heard the sounds of pots and pans clanking and I could smell eggs and bacon sizzling on the stove top. I grinned knowing who was making breakfast.
"Mom's cooking." I said as I stretched in my bed. I opened my eyes to see the sunlight peek from my window blinds. The blinds danced as more wind came into my room. I kicked off my blanket and stood up. I combed my fingers through my hair out of my face. My frizzy hair matched my walk as I skipped into the bathroom. I was wearing nothing but an oversized white T-shirt with stains from last nights dinner. I took a shower that morning and cleansed my face with soap. I wasn't the type to go overboard on my skin care. Soap and Shea Butter will do the job. I brushed my teeth and pulled my long hair into a messy updo bun with a few strands left out and changed my clothes for the day.
My outfits determined how I felt. If I was feeling down, I'd go with an oversized everything. Feeling good? A nice body suit, sweatpants and comfortable sneakers. Or a fresh pair of sneakers depending if I wanted to dress to impress.
It wasn't just an ordinary day in the summer, no. It was the first day of my junior year in High School. I attended MatterMann High School which was also a private school. I looked at my smart phone which was sitting on my nightstand. I turned it on to see lots of missed calls and messages from last night. I was asleep when the messages were sent because I never missed a message or call from my best friend Rye.
"Get ur ass up"
"HELLO?!"
"Better be ready when I get there" And many more messages were from her. I responded to Rye with a text message.
"ight."
I grabbed my backpack with my phone in my hand. I headed downstairs to the kitchen.
I saw Mom which made me smile. She was tall, petite, and wore nice clothes. Her lips wore bright red, and her buns were sleek (unlike mine). She was a highly successful defense attorney and won nearly every case she's had. She glanced at me while making breakfast.
"Good morning Illy. I'll have your breakfast ready in a minute."
"Mornin' Mom."
I acted as if he wasn't there, but Mom's husband, Paul Bernard was right there in front of me sitting in his chair texting on his smart phone. I buried my face into my phone and went through many social media apps to stay distracted.
Paul was the kind of man that sat on his thick ass and watch television all day. Before he married my Mother, he was a well put together man. Owned his own store, had lots of friends, had women wanting to claim him and his bed. Two years ago, he lost his store. He then began to be more dependent on my Mother. She was blind. Too blind. I guess since Paul has fallen off, he got depressed and gave up on life. Not that I ever cared. Just telling you guys what happened.
Paul had a receding hairline from stress, a beer belly, and often wore clothes too long to the point I had to hold my breath when he walked pass me. I strongly disliked— no, I'll say it. I hated his presence.
Mom sat breakfast down on the table. She handed Paul his plate, and we began eating.
"Thank you Tanisha." said Paul.
Breakfast was quiet. No electronics were allowed to be on while eating. Mom thought it was one of the best times to get closer with each other.
All I could hear was Paul smacking his food against his rotten teeth. He always ate like a pig. If there's one thing I couldn't stand, it's the fact that people actually smack their food while eating! Mom always taught me to eat with my mouth closed. When Paul came into her life, all of those rules were thrown out.
I glanced at Paul to see his eyes on his food. He looked like a kid in a candy store. He always did which is why I wasn't surprised but more irritated. As he ate more and more, I felt my breathing going faster each time yet slow... I could feel my blood circulate through my finger tips and toes. Eventually, I stopped eating, nobody paying me any attention. I stared at Paul's bald spot as if I was trying to do telekinesis. I couldn't take it anymore. Why was he eating so dramatic?! I sat my phone in my pocket and banged my fists onto the table as hard as I could, making my food jump up in the air and it falling all over the table. I was too angry to care for anything in that moment.
Mom's eyes widened in disbelief.
"Illiana! Did you really—"
I removed myself from the table and cleaned up my breakfast. Paul looked up at me, eyebrows furrowed. He was chewing on bits of egg, some hiding in his beard (which desperately needed maintenance).
I put my dishes in the sink. Mom stood up from her chair with her hand on her hip. She leaned her neck forward.
"Is something wrong with you girl?"
"Momma, no. I— I'm sorry. I just couldn't stand listening to him eat."
Paul got up from his seat and put his dirty dishes in the sink. He stood beside Mom with a hand on his hip as well.
"Listen Paul..."
I tried holding back but I began to laugh. It was shut down quickly—
SLAP!
Mom slapped me. Her face was turning red.
"Disrespect your Father like that—"
"He's not my Father! I don't even know who my Father is!"
Before Mom could raise another hand, I grabbed my backpack and left the house. I slammed the door behind me, giving Mom a message, though it was very childish.
Outside of the house was a familiar car waiting for me. My face lit up with excitement. The driver rolled down their window which was revealed as my best friend.
"Rye! My baby!" I said running to the car.
Rye was too around my age. We were best friends since the first grade. Rye loved studying psychology. She also loved wearing colors that stood out, even her hair was colorful. Despite her innocent smile and great outer personality, she had a terrible anger problem. Believe me.
Rye giggled. She unlocked the car for me and I got inside. Rye held a grin as she watched me buckle my seat belt. I slowly turned my head to her.
"What?" I said.
"Nothing. I just missed you."
Rye put her car in drive, and took us to school.
"Y'know, it's rare for us to be parted for such a long time. I truly missed you."
"Too much of anything isn't good for you."
Rye shook her head in disagreement. I felt a shift in the energy.
Nothing but the machinery of the car was heard. Not even the radio was playing. The car ride was silent until we pulled up into the student's parking lot.
Rye unbuckled her seatbelt with too much force needed.
"I know something happened to you Illy. Did you forget I study psychology?!"
I felt a surge of rage, like an electric shock.
"Fuck, Rye! You've only been studying that shit for what? A few months now?"
Rye looked into my eyes with hurt and worry. I knew she was hurting inside, not knowing what happened to me during the summer. The fact that we were best friends and for me to treat her like a nobody. But I was also traumatized by past events. Events which can never be told so easily even after three months of school being out.
"Listen, Rye—"
"Get the fuck out. GET OUT! After all I've done, you treat me like a bitch? Pfft."
Told you Rye had an anger problem.
I grabbed my backpack and slammed the car door. I heard Rye's distant yelling as I walked further and further away.
"Welcome back to MatterMann Illiana! You ready? Hell yeah." I told myself.
As I walked into the school building I could smell miserable teachers, students, janitors, and principals.
I stepped closer and closer inside. As I turned a corner towards my locker I saw the most miserable female I've ever met in my entire life.
Paige Waters. She could easily suck the goodness out of anyone's day. She was like a parasite. She had long blonde hair and she often wore designer clothes. Way too materialistic. She was the state's "golden child". Also known as the Mayor's daughter. She clicked her heels and strutted down the halls as if she was in a high end fashion show and loved to be the center of attention.
She walked towards me in her six inch heels and fitted dress. Her blonde hair was flat ironed bone straight. To top off her look she wore lip gloss that smelled like vanilla.
"So what did you do all summer, huh? Pluck your hairs all day?"
" I haven't touched my facial hair in months, thank you very much."
Students around Paige and I snickered, pointing and laughing at me. I started to feel embarrassed. At this point all I wanted to do was to be squished in a small box.
I opened my mouth to respond, but a familiar voice took over.
"Bye Paige. I'm pissed right now just go!" said Rye. I wasn't surprised. Rye and I has had many altercations. We'd fight with our words or fists and five minutes later we'd be best friends again. Believe it or not, our toxic side is what has molded our relationship. It's what kept it together. With every argument we've had in the past eventually made our relationship better. Dysfunctional family? Yes . Toxic couple without sexual intercourse? Spot on.
Paige turned her body towards Rye.
"Stupid bitch. Why interfere?" The crowd around us got bigger. Bystanders decided to start videotaping.
I wiped away my sweat before it could fall down my face. Rye walked in front Paige, breasts touching each other. She carefully whispered in her ear,
"Don't forget that we do the same thing for money. I will embarrass your miserable ass. I could care less for you to expose me because I have nothing to loose. My Father is dead, my Mother's an addict, and my Grandmother's dying. No matter what, Illy will be by my side. Gratefully I'm not the Mayor's daughter, so I don't have to be squeaky clean."
Rye gave Paige one last look before turning towards me. She winked at me, still looking as mad as she was in the car and walked to class. Paige froze in place until the bell rang for first period.
"Everybody move! Go to class." said a masculine voice. The crowd that surrounded Rye, Paige and I scattered.
By Paige's side came Noah Jones.
Noah was Arkansa's best high school football player. Also captain of MatterMann High's football team. He too was the state's "golden child". His jaw was chiseled, face looked its best after a clean shave, body built like he played football all his life non stop. His chestnut brown hair was luscious and blinded the eyes in sunlight. He often wore his football uniform. I liked to think of Noah as Paige's little bitch. Noah clutched Paige by her waist and the two went down the hallway. Before they turned the corner to their class, Noah looked back at me. It felt odd because Noah was never allowed to look at me. By Paige's orders of course. Her insecure ass... but this— it was something else. Something had to have changed right? Why did Noah look back at me.
Later that day during school, I decided to skip fifth period. Previously, I've skipped many classes during my freshman and sophomore year and had to do summer school for Geometry and Physical Education. You'd think I'd learn my lesson by now right? I didn't.
The halls were clear of annoying freshman, thank goodness. Coming up by the Gymnasium, I saw a feminine silhouette.
"I'm coming." said the voice. It was Paige. I heard her heels click against the waxed floor frantically. I watched her as she exited the school building. I stealthily walked over to the other side of the hall and peeked over to see her entering a familiar car.
His dumb ass should've got his windows tinted because he was so easily spotted. I took my phone out to take multiple photos of the two.
Wasn't surprised at the fact that Paul was stepping out. I always had doubts about him. I was filled with anger from that point on. How could he betray my Mother? Then with the female I disliked the most? I did what my gut told me to do. Follow his ass.
I ran to Rye's classroom. She was in English writing a paper. I snuck to the back of the class disturbing no one.
"Gimme ya keys!" I whispered.
"Why?" said Rye as she continued to write.
"I'll be back before lunch, just hurry!" without further words, Rye growled and gave me her car keys. The English teacher was too into his phone to realize I had entered his class.
I ran outside eager to find Paul and Paige with the motivation of getting them both in trouble. I started the car, and followed them. My heart was racing as if I had just outrun a serial killer.
Before we get into further details, I'd like to say that firstly, my school MatterMann High, sits up on a tall hill. It has only one way up and down. It takes roughly ten minutes just to get down and back to civilization or main land. I knew when I went to get Rye's keys , Paul wouldn't be off the hill. The only thing I was worried of is if Paul and or Paige would recognize Rye's car.
I rushed down the hill, and followed Paul and Paige at a distance to reduce suspicion. Just seven miles away from school was a motel. I parked the car nearby the entrance and Paul parked his car in the parking lot of the motel. Both Paul and Paige walked across the street to their room.
I took my phone out, and video taped them walking into the motel room. After they closed the door behind them, I saved my recording, and went back to school just in time for lunch.
As I pulled up in the student's parking lot, I was confronted by Rye. She looked neutral. I parked the car and gestured Rye to get inside.
She looked sideways at me with a raised eyebrow.
"What did you need my car for?" I clapped my hands in excitement and shrieked .
"Ah! Guess who's about to get some?" I said while rolling my hips in circles.
"You? You're having sex?!"
"No!" I rolled my eyes and showed Rye the photos and recordings I took earlier. Rye looked surprised. She gulped nervously and snatched my phone out of my hand to ensure that what she was looking at was real.
"What the fuck Illy..."
"What did I do now?"
"You plan on showing Ms. Tanisha?"
"Show my Mom? Nah. I might blackmail Paul or Paige though."
Rye gave my phone back. She leaned against the car door, breathing heavier than usual. She took deeper breathes as if she was angry... but she wasn't. I knew when Rye was angry. She looked more nervous and anxious than normal.
Rye's phone vibrated from her pocket. She took it out and there was a text message from her Mother. Rye and her Mother had no relationship. They spoke to each other like two females about to fight. Rye unlocked her phone and sent a message back. Her fingers moved so fast I couldn't read what she had typed. She locked her phone quickly afterwards. She looked off into the distance, her head resting on her hand.
"Was it Ms. Roe?" I asked.
Rye exhaled heavily. "No. Grandma's alright. My Mother just asked me for twenty bucks. I'm not obligated to give her anything." I cleared my throat.
"My bad for asking."
"Don't show that to your Mom. If you're gonna blackmail anyone, do it smart. Be smart alright?"
I shook my head.
After school, Rye took me home. It was obvious the weather got hotter . The sun hid behind the clouds but the heat felt like opening a hot oven to take out dinner.
Rye pulled up her car in my home's drive way and unlocked the doors to let me out.
"I love you, ugly." she said. I turned my head towards her with a small grin.
"I love you too stupid." I gave Rye one last look before she drove off and me heading inside.
I opened the door with a positive attitude which was snatched away from me soon as I looked up at the stairs. Paul was sitting on the steps smoking a cigarette with his head down looking at the ashes he left. I dropped my backpack by the door. All I could smell was cigarette smoke, and his musty odor.
Paul's cigarette shed it's ashes once more before he dropped it purposely, stomping it with his thick leather boot. I watched with a neutral expression. "Was that supposed to scare me?" I thought to myself.
Paul looked at me with his dark blue eyes. He stepped closer and closer to me until there was little space between us. I could feel his chest press against mine. Wasn't sure if he wanted to scare me, or he if he wanted sick pleasure.
"I saw you driving in your friend's car earlier. Did you think you were a detective? Did you really think I was that stupid? Huh? ANSWER ME!"
I gasped in fear. It took me back to when— never mind.
"You want your Mother and I to break up don't you?"
"You're a horrible man! You're not even a man!"
"Oh yeah? Your Mother thinks so." Paul chuckled.
Negative energy had already filled the room but it was pinning me down at this point.
"Go'n tell Paige I have photos of y'all. Tell her ass to stop fucking with me too!"
"Why do you hate me so much Illiana?"
Tears fell down my face as I thought of words to gather.
"You know why." I said trembling.
I felt Paul's hot breath on my face. In that moment I'd rather be stuck in a room with Paige than to be cornered by Paul.
Memories from earlier during the summer were playing over in my head. It was too much at once. Most of them were bad... really bad memories. At that moment, I couldn't feel. I was so angry that I couldn't feel anything. I felt way worse than earlier in the morning.
Now, you maybe thinking "Is this the moment her life drastically changed forever?" No. No it is not.
I screamed as loud as I could and punched Paul multiple times wherever I could reach. He laughed as I hit him again and again. Paul's expression changed quickly from laughing like a psychopath, to being very angry. He moved away from me to have enough space to punched me in my face. He did so. I took a nearby vase and smashed it against his head. Next thing you know, Paul was unconscious, face covered in bits of the vase. I grabbed my backpack and ran upstairs. I locked myself in my room for the rest of the night. I felt alive yet scared for my safety. I hid under my cool blanket and cried for hours. Not because Paul was going to tell Mom, but for the fact that Mom welcomed a dangerous person in our home without knowing it.
After hours of crying I did something I hadn't done for months. I used my fingernails to pluck each and every strand of hair from my eyelashes. That was pain I was used to. I was satisfied and eager to pluck the next hair so that my internal pain would shut up once more. Compared to drugs, hair pulling was nothing. My fingernails would be bruised and tired of having to be pinned against each other for hours at a time to bend to my needs. Sometimes blood would spill from my eyelids, and my fingers wouldn't be able to take anymore. When there were no more hair to pull, I'd sit there... feeling pessimistic.