Extraordinary Bull
A couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon, to watch the auctioning of bulls.
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments, "See! That was more than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?"
The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back, "Sure, once a day! But ask the announcer if they were all with the same fat cow!"
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XaveD
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Buttoned Fly
There was this couple who were running late preparing for the big party, and it just so happened that the husband had on a pair of trousers that had a buttoned fly, one button of which had come off and needed sewing.
The wife simply did not have the time to tend to it so she suggested he run across the street to have her lady friend take care of the matter.
And so he did. A little bit later he came back with the button sewn on all right, but he was terribly beaten up.
"Good grief! What in the world happened to you! You just went over there for the button to be sewed on, and now look at you!"
"Well, when I told her what I wanted done she said to take a seat and that it would just take her a second. So, I sat down and she began sewing on the button. Everything was just going along just fine until she bent over to bite off the thread and her husband came in the door."
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XaveD
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Mink Coat
A French actress, returning from a visit to the United States, brought back a superb mink coat.
"How beautiful," remarked an envious script girl at the studio. "Where did mademoiselle get that?"
"I met a gentleman," said the haughty actress disdainfully, "who had $5000....et voila!"
That summer the script girl took her vacation in the U.S. On her return she sported a mink coat equally as beautifully as the actress's.
"Scare bleu!" exclaimed the astonished actress. "How did you get that?"
"The same way as mademoiselle," replied the script girl icily, "only in my case I met a hundred gentlemen, and each had $5."
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XaveD
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Gay Bars
A dude named Henry really hates fags. Anyway, he moves into a new neighborhood and decides to go check out the bars.
As he strolls along, he keeps seeing signs with: "We serve gays" written on them.
He's really pissed off by them, but decides to keep searching. Eventually, his hard work pays off and he comes to bar that doesn't say anything about serving gays.
So, he goes inside and takes a seat at the main counter. While the bartender is pouring Henry a nice, cool Bud Light, Henry says, "I'm sure glad that this bar doesn't have any of those d*mn signs saying that ya serve gays!"
The bartender replies, "Oh, but we do. It's right over there on the floor..."
Henry gets off of the stool and bends over to look at it.
It reads: "Brace Yourself!"
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XaveD
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Caught in the Act
Banta sits down at the bar, orders a drink and holds his head in his hands.
When the bartender comes back, Banta is swearing softly under his breath and shaking his head.
"Hey Banta, what's happening?" asks the bartender.
"I'm in DEEP SHIT," Banta replies. "I just got caught screwing my neighbour."
"Oh wow!" says the barman, "Who caught you? Your wife or her husband?"
"No," said Banta, "HIS wife!"
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Extracted from Santabanta By XaveD <javed143@gmail.com>
