Never give up -(Forever Yours)

Never Give Up

The doorbell started ringing  furiously waking me out of my slamber.
I cracked one eyelid open to check  at my alarm clock. It read 4.30 in the morning.I tried to rub my eyes open as the doorbell rang again.
I groaned inwardly.

Who the hell could it be at freaking five in the morning?

I quickly got up, muttered a cuss and went for the door groaning.

I didn't give a damn to throw a robe on me right now. Whoever was outside that door was going to have a piece of my mind either way!

The bell rang for the fourth time.

I got close enough to bang on the door pissed off, looking through the small pipehole.

"Who the hell is-!"my eyes flew open instantly. I looked up again  just to  make sure,but I was left just as surprised.

It couldn't be. He could not be who I thought he was. I was definetely dreaming this up.

It was Julian.

Freaking Julian Maison was standing outside my door.What was HE doing here? In freaking five no less!

A thousand questions flooded my mind as I yanked my door open all the way.

"You-" I started but froze midway.His big honey eyes were fixing me with vulnerability as if he had been lost.
As if he didn't know how to face me.
As if he hadn't meant to end up here at all.
So what was he doing here in the first place? I inhaled sharply ready to cuss the living daylights out of him.

And the next thing I knew was his arms were around me. His lips on mine.

Hard.

Wha-What did he think he was doing?I was so infuriated with him!He had no fucking right!

His body was pressing hard on mine.His mouth was not the gentle caress I was used to.His kiss was...rough...pained....frustrated.
Desperate even.

I felt my knees going weak from the intensity of his kiss. My body started shaking involuntarily. Despite my anger toward him,tears flooded my eyes.

With no further invitation from me, he gave a hard kick on the door before placing me to relax against it.His hands had me caged on both sides. I had no space to move. He had me pinned exactly where he wanted. And before I knew it, a moan escaped my mouth as my lips willingly opened beneath his.

His tongue flicked slow,tasting all of me.Stroke after slow stroke...I shuddered as my arms went around his back,pulling him tighter against me.

I am halucinating, surely.This cannot be happening.

But the halucination started to feel all too real.Far more vivid than any dream I've ever had of him before...

Just to make sure, I bit into his lower lip angrily.

A pained moan escaped his lips but he didn't stop kissing me.

So he really was here.

Without a good excuse even!

This  kissing attack of his was unforgivably.... welcome.

Woah,wait. I stopped.

What was I doing? I was so mad at him for all he'd done. No matter how much I wanted him, I couldn't just give in to him.So I stopped.

He kept on kissing me until he realised I had stopped responding to his touch.And then he finally looked  at me.I barely noticed that his hands were shaking on both sides of my head.He was a nervous mess. The pupils of his eyes were dilated as if he had been crying or drinking...or both.

"I am such an asshole."He stated.

I wanted to laugh at that. But the idea seemed too cruel.Instead, I did what I had missed the most and run my fingers through his unruly curls.Old habits die hard I guess.

Kill me for doing this. I shouldn't even want to be near him. But I did. Maybe this just happened once in a lifetime.He was not one to ever regret his choices in life...so maybe...I was allowed to touch him one last time.

"That's a fact.But it doesn't explain anything."I answered raising my other hand to let it get lost through his hair too despite my frowning.

Only then did I realise that his whole body was shaking just as badly as my own legs. Before I had time to stop myself,my body stuck to his; offering what comfort I could.His strong but shaky arms came to rest on my waist.

What was this?I was always protective of him,even if he was twice my size in height and strength.But I had never before in my entire life, seen him in such a state of paralysis.

This past month he had ended our relationship with a "You deserve better than me".He had broken me to pieces that day. I was still very heartbroken.How could he come back now? And with what excuse?

Once upon a time,Julian was my whole world.And while he was holding me now,I could not stop myself from breathing the scent of his skin as if I was famished.Famished for his scent.For his whole being.I knew that I would never give up on him.
Even if I sounded helpless for not doing otherwise.

Now, he had me trapped in his embrace.But I did not care one bit.Actually, all I did was care.As long as he was here, nothing mattered to me more.

I could also tell he was slightly drunk.I smelled it in his breath.But it didn't matter.With or without it he was always himself.Always just as honest.If anything,for now,the alcohol boosted his honesty propably...

What was it he wanted to say now? What was left for him to say? I was mad at him,but I missed him more than anything. My fingers absently stroked though his hair again.

I knew him better than myself.I had told him that so many times...I would always want him,only him.Rain or shine.All of his insecurities,everything he was afraid I might see that could scare me away..

"I am still an asshole." He repeated out of breath this time..his eyes not looking mine anymore.

Lilly sighed,caressing his cheek.

"I am an asshole too.Does that help?"

Julian chuckled without humor.He hugged me tighter in his chest.

"Lil' I am so sorry, I will-"

The sound of my old nickname overwhelmed me. I pressed two fingers on his lips smiling a small smile at him. One full of tears.

"No good sentence starts with I will,Julian."He laughed at my response and kissed softly the fingers I was pressing gently to his mouth.

I gulped and continued.Knowing I propably was a huge fool for saying what I was about to say.

"Please, no more promises. Stay. I don't want anything or anybody else.I told you a thousand times.And a thousand more I will if that's what it takes.. Just please,stay."my voice cracked on the last word.

There I was, humbling myself all over again even if I was not the one to blame.But this time,one of his steady hands,cupped my cheek as his lips found mine yet again. This time they tasted of salt.

Was he crying? Or was it my tears? Or both?I couldn't tell.

"I love you." He said loud and clear after a moment.I pulled back to look at him in the eye.