Sometimes... Life really sucks, you know...?
You're 20 years old and nothings going right.
That career you thought you'd have by this time is no longer anywhere in sight.
Your life is just one giant rollercoaster.
You're in debt.
You're damaged.
The people who are supposed to protect you, are instead the ones doing the harm.
You're not naive.
You're not stupid.
You realize what they're doing.
You just want to believe they're not as toxic as they sound to you from other people's mouths.
Your past was rough.
You struggled to become the decent person you are today.
At 15, your mom sent you to another country, kicking you out from her house. "You're not my problem anymore..."
At 19, you were kicked out from your only aunts house.
At 20, you're living with your sister and brother in law wondering... "Where the fuck is life taking me?"
Still 20, you feel like you've lost your best friend because of some dumbass guy that you know is using her but she's too blinded by love to see it.
You're over-protective of the ones you love.
You pushed your opinions too much and now... you're sitting on your bed talking to your boyfriend wondering why.
Why?
Just... why?
Why can't I see my future anymore?
Why did I think, even for a second, that life might actually end up on my side...? even for just one second...?
You're emotionally scarred.
You don't trust people easily.
Because the people that you trusted were who mainly hurt you in the past.
So now... you suck at communication even though you preach that communication is key.
At 14, you had your first love. You fell hard.
At 15, you clinged on to a guy. Afraid no one else would want you if you ever let him go.
At 20, you realize just how stupid that thought was because your boyfriend reminds you everyday how much you've upgraded.
At 20... you're mentally and emotionally drained.
You're a hard worker.
Your aunt used to call you her worker ant.
Ever since 3rd grade, you worked hard on your grades...
In 12th grade, while in Canada, you became depressed and let them go to hell.
Why...?
Because you wanted to be with your family.
You thought if you'd at least be in the same city, you'd see more of them.
Oh, child... how wrong you were.
And now you have a question your manager asked stuck in your head... "Where did that strong girl go...?"
You don't like being alone.
But being alone is all you know.
Old habits die hard.
You're sitting on your bed... wondering where the fuck you're headed.
Wondering... where do I even start?
To get my life on the right track...?
Where do I begin? To get things right?
To not let my past affect my future?
You're sitting on your bed, typing this.
You're listening to This Is Me from the Greatest Showman.
Just thinking... that it never ends....
That sometimes... life just really sucks...
And you wonder... if it'll ever get better.
When...?
When will it get better?
You've already cried what you thought was all you had within you.
But as you're typing this, you realize those tears keep coming.
