Conjecture & Confession

I just wanted to thank anyone who shares my love for Jane Austen, S&S and/or Emma's wonderful adaption! I'm so happy that there are people like you and grateful for every single person who cares to read my writing attempts. 

I'm German and always trying to develop and improve my writing, so if you have comments or maybe notes concerning the story, the language, the style or whatever, feel free to tell me - I'm always appreciating feedback very much! Thanks!

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Edward Farrars had never been a man of words, let alone speeches and confessions, and yet, he feared they might be the only way to right the most egregious wrong of his lifetime.
He walked towards the Dashwood house, emotions and thoughts muddled and confused, but no less determined. When the maid told him they weren't at home, his first reaction was relief, then disappointment, soon replaced by a tensed anticipation when he heard that the eldest Miss Dashwood had stayed behind and could be found in the garden if he wanted to wait for the rest of the family to return.
Did he want to? He couldn't deny the feeling of utter fear he experienced whenever he thought about what he had to do. He couldn't stand the thought of seeing the anger and hatred in the eyes of the family he valued above any other, and yet he couldn't blame them either if he would be faced with this very probable reaction. But the simple possibility of seeing her was enough to let his fear make way for hope.
He had known his errors from the beginning, that he was doomed to marry a woman he didn't love, but without knowing what real love felt like, it hadn't been quite so piercing until he first laid eyes on Miss Elinor Dashwood.
He had been painfully aware of the duties that honour had imposed on him, but still, he couldn't help gravitating towards her. She was subtle, yet wise. Mature, yet humorous. Witty, beautiful, responsible...simple, but simply perfect.

He could feel his heart pounding faster when he saw her, kneeling in the garden, working concentratedly with her back to him. He was almost afraid of approaching her, for he was sure she must be able to hear his heartbeat, loud as it was in his ears, but there had always been a strange sort of invisible force that seemed to pull him towards her and it was working reliably as ever. She didn't hear him coming until he stood directly behind her and he was glad about it because it gave him the chance to gather himself to the best of his ability before he finally drew her attention to his presence.

„Miss Dashwood."

„Mr Ferrars!", Elinor exclaimed in surprise as she stood up and turned around to face the man she had both feared and longed to see.
"I'm so sorry...I didn't know you were coming..."

"That's my fault", he interrupted her apologetically, "I have to admit that I neglected to announce my arrival in advance."

"A dear friend to the family such as yourself is always welcome to visit, Mr Ferrars", Elinor assured him.
Friends, yes..., he repeated in thoughts. It was his worst fear that he was going to endanger this friendship if he really managed to do what he had come for. What was he supposed to do if she turned him away? But as long as there was a chance for his request to be accepted, he knew he would never find peace as long as he didn't try.

"A friendship I value above all others", he said truthfully and watched a smile appear on Elinor's lips, although it seemed kind of sad to him, but perhaps he was just imagining it.
She didn't know how to reply, so she quickly changed subject to something far less risky in her state of emotion.

"My mother and my sisters went for a walk, I fear, and with Marianne, you can never tell how long it will take them to return", she therefore explained politely and he nodded.

"I know, your maid told me, but...I hoped that I could wait nevertheless if you'll allow me to stay."

"Of course", she said in a sort of nervous anticipation, afraid of what he might be going to tell her, but still unable to suppress this tiny spark of hope that was breaking its way through to her heart at the sight of him - she knew that it wasn't a reasonable feeling in this kind of situation, but just this one time she didn't seem to be able to find support in her usually so reliable sense.