Switched [L x Reader AU] • Death Note

Chapter 1 | dissociating

One thing you'd always noticed about Ryuzaki was that he spaced out a lot, he would often have a very 'Lights are on but no ones home' kind of vibe. At first you thought it was because of lack of sleep, but you started to notice that every so often following him spacing out, there'd be something... different about him.

Almost like he'd remembered what emotions were.

Sometimes he'll be his usual flat and monotonous self, then he's space out, then he'd be more bubbly? Was that the way to describe it?

Today was particularly bad though. He was very very out of it today.

"Ryuzaki?"

He just kept staring aimlessly at the floor.

"Ryuzaki? You there?"

He shook his head slightly, coming back to reality.

"Huh?"

The looked down at the coffee mug you were joking out for him, he gave it a confused look.

"Oh! Right... thanks" he said, taking it off you.

"Are you ok? You're not exactly all here today" you said, sitting beside him.

"I've... got a headache. It's fine don't worry"

He was spacing out again as he said that, you could see it as the metaphorical light drained from his eyes.

"Ryuzaki! Don't go back into the void just yet. Maybe you should get some sleep"

He snapped out of it again.

"I-it's fine. I have to get all this done first..."

Although you were kind of worried, you let him continue. It was impossible to argue with him and win. Giving a simple "ok" you went back to the kitchen to continue making your own cup of coffee. Most of the taskforce being out at the police station today, you had the kitchen to yourself.

Was Ryuzaki ok? You had the urge to try and get him to see a doctor, as every day of the case he seemed more and more out of it. He was more stressed, sleeping less, zoning out all the time and somehow even more pale than usual. You were worried about him and he knew that, but he was stubborn, he wouldn't tell you what was wrong.

You finished up making your coffee, ready to go back out into the work room. You walked back into the room, careful not to spill your hot coffee. You looked over at Ryuzaki again, and he was even more out of it, leaning on his elbows with his head in his hands, like he was in pain.

"Ryuzaki?"

Nothing.

"Ryuzaki?"

Something. He snapped back into reality and looked up, turning to face you. He gave you a confused look for a moment before something clicked in his head.

"Oh! You're (y/n)!" He said.

You gave him a confused look.

"Yeah? We've known each other for almost a year now?" You replied.

"You're the one I've been meaning to talk to"

He seemed different again, almost... happier? You sat down beside him and put you coffee down.

"You're the one that's been worried about us right?" He asked.

"Yeah- Wait us?"

"That's what I've been meaning to tell you. The reason we've been spacing out, and acting different, well... do you know what DID is?"

DID? DID! Of course!

"Yeah, I learnt about it in university" you replied.

"Oh good! I don't have to explain all the terms then. Yeah, Ryuzaki isn't actually me, and no he's not just an alias. He's an alter"

This made us much sense now. He wasn't spacing out, he was dissociating. He acted different because he'd switched to another alter. He would be focused on nothing, when he was focused on what an alter was talking to him about.

"Of course... that makes so much sense... so Ryuzaki is the host?" You asked.

"Protector actually, I'm the host. I just don't front often during cases because Ryuzaki is trying to protect me. And he knows about way more detective stuff than I do. I'm the original personality the body was born with, I can't really tell you my name because of Kira. It's the body's birth name... so just call me L"

"Ok, so you're the host. Ryuzaki is the protector and fronts lots during cases are there any more?"

"One more, he's... a little aggressive. He holds lots of trauma and doesn't really communicate that well with us. But he does know self defence so as much as we don't want him to front in case he'll say something mean, we let him front when we have to defend ourselves. Ryuzaki and I try to talk to him but he's just too closed off. We think there may be more alters that just haven't revealed themselves yet, three is an unusually small system. And we do have times where none of us three remember what happened, and we just end up coming back to the front and we've changed clothes and things have moved and none of us know when or why"

This is interesting. The world greatest detective was more than one person? It made a lot of sense.

"Question. Are all the alters different aliases you use?" You asked.

"Well, kind of Yeah. We seem to know lots of random names associated with the body, some of them are probably alters that haven't fully revealed themselves yet. Ryuzaki is an alter, but to L as a detective he's an ali..."

He started to dissociate again, looking around kind of confused and blinking to try and clear his vision. He seemed focused on something.

"She deserves to know... she's worried about us!" He mumbled seemingly to himself.

From what you knew, he was probably talking to Ryuzaki, who had hidden this from everyone.

There was a pause as he rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his vision again.

"I'm only telling her, she's trustworthy. Believe me"

You tilted your head in confusion as he slowly came back to reality.

"Ryuzaki just tried to come back. Do you know how hard it was to come to the front in the first place? That mans stubborn" he said.

"You can hear him?"

"If he's close enough yes. He's been... scared to tell anyone about this. I'm always pretty close to the front to see what's going on. And I know you're worried and trustworthy. You have the right to know, you're one of the only ones trying to take care of us. I appreciate that" he smiled.

A smile, that was something you'd never seen this body do before. It was sad knowing that he had to go through a very very horrible traumatic experience to even get DID in the first place, but you were glad that he trusted you enough to tell you. And you were glad they he was on good terms with his protector, and they had good communication between each other.

Something told you now that you knew, you'd be seeing a lot more of L. Ryuzaki during work, but L when works off. You were now like their cover, you'd be the protector for them in the physical world.

It was interesting. You hoped he eventually got to know and communicate well with all his alters. And you'd help him, every step of the way.

For that smile, that smile you wanted to see more of.