Vents

Day 1

Feeling my heart pound against my chest, I shake my head to be rid of these thoughts as they infest my mind. But to no avail, these thoughts consume my being and I am no longer in control of myself. Realizing I'm no longer myself, I start to tremble in fear. Falling to my knees, I beg and beg for these thoughts to leave, but they never leave. Surrounded is how I feel and I hate it. I need to break free and run into the open field of flowers that awaits me, but it looks so far away. I get up and start to walk towards the aesthetically field of flowers, but they seem to be getting further away. Jogging into a sprint, I feel fear grip my heart as I realize that I'm stuck in a dark, lifeless place like this. Hell, people would call it, but I've been stuck here for 5 years and have never found my way out. Until I met her. Just standing there, in the sunset, gazing at me with sorrow in her eyes. With a feeling of dread, I realize that if she tries to help me, she'll be stuck here too. I don't wish this on anyone, especially her. But she starts to walk towards me into the darkness, as if the darkness was calling to her heart. Fearful of what she's getting herself into, I scream at her to turn back, to leave and never come back, but it's like I'm muted and nothing comes out. I feel trapped here in a soundproof glass box and no way to break free. I look down as my throat tightens as reality crashes down on me. My breathe hitches in my throat as I snap my head up to see her in front of me. Falling backwards, I back away from her and start to blush. I look away in shame that she'd be disgusted with me. But I hear her shuffling towards me and I look up in shock to see her kneeling in front of me. Face exploding in red, I stay there shocked. She raises her hand and cups my cheek in her hand and I feel comforted by it. With a jolt, I feel love for the first time and I start to tear up. I grab her wrist and gently lower it from myself, as she looks at me confused. "You're not real, are you?" I ask with a weak smile. She looks at me in worry and tries to form words but nothing comes out. I look at her in shame and loosen my grip. "You're not getting anywhere, darling. Give up on me and leave me be." She looks at me with ferocious determination and she places her lips upon mine as I stare at her face in shock. Recoiling, I blush and look to the side. "People will find us disgusting. This isn't right, but it feels right with you." I mutter nonchalantly. "It's ok. Let people be homophobic. It just shows what type of person they are. NEVER feel ashamed of being lesbian, especially around me." She speaks softly as she places her forehead against mine, giving me full access to her beautiful, shimmering eyes.
"We're going to get through this together, whether they accept us or not! Promise me you won't leave me."
"I promise"

What I wrote about was my constant confusion about my sexuality and me feeling like I was trapped in a chaotic atmosphere of emotions. I just couldn't figure myself out until I started dating a boy. But I realized that I'm not interested in boys and that I like girls instead.
~Author Out 🏳️‍🌈 ❤️