Trust.
The word feels heavy on my tongue whenever I utter it. It serves as a somber reflection of a period when I had unwavering faith in people, welcoming them with open arms. Yet, it also serves as a painful recollection of each instance where individuals I believed would never deceive me, did just that with little to no thought.
***
The moment of truth arrived when I confronted the painful reality of my father's betrayal. It was a harsh awakening to realize that he had been weaving a web of false promises, leaving a trail of broken trust in his wake. What stung the most was the realization that his visits to me were nothing more than a calculated move to win over unsuspecting women. The excuses he conjured up only served to highlight his lack of integrity and disregard for the emotional toll his actions had on those who believed in him.
My father's absence has been a constant in my life, a void that cannot be filled. The passage of time has done nothing to erase the memories of his actions, nor has it softened the resentment I feel towards him. Yet, no matter how much I try to distance myself from him, he still holds a fundamental place in my identity.
***
Among the individuals responsible for my dwindling trust, my beloved younger sister takes a prominent place. It's disheartening to admit that she is also the reason behind my reluctance to openly express my emotions. The persistent fear of facing judgment and being labeled as weak, inadequate, or undesirable is a heavy burden that I carry as if she is constantly on the lookout for any opportunity to pinpoint my weaknesses and flaws. This continuous scrutiny has led me to develop a deep-seated distrust of those around me and a sense of caution that prevents me from fully expressing myself.
The intense resentment I harbored towards my sister has even led me to wish, on occasion, that I was my mother's only child, just to escape the turmoil it brings.
***
When it comes to family matters, the most significant breach of trust I've experienced was with my once-beloved uncle. It became apparent to me over time that he and his wife were primarily concerned with their well-being, with my uncle being the more self-centered of the two. I had placed my complete trust in him until the day he and his family moved in with my mother and me, which was when I started to notice a change in his wife's behavior... but that's a story for another time.
The critical moment that shattered my trust in my uncle unfolded when my pit bull, significantly larger than their Chihuahua, retaliated and bit the small dog that was growling at her. In all fairness, the situation could have been avoided if their dog hadn't intruded in the first place. It's worth noting that my dog did not inflict a fatal blow on the little Chihuahua, but the tension was palpable nonetheless.
The situation escalated dramatically when my uncle, seething with anger, threatened to harm my beloved pet as a consequence of the altercation. It was only through the intervention of his wife that my dog was spared from any immediate harm. The emotional fallout from this incident left a lingering sense of resentment towards my uncle, which I struggle to let go of even as time passes.
***
Let me tell you about the person who cunningly manipulated my perception of my own family, leaving me with the impression that they were all inherently flawed. This mastermind, my ex-fiancé, skillfully shattered my trust, leaving me with a profound sense of despair. Despite my tender age of 18 at the time, the impact of this betrayal transcended any notions of maturity.
The pain inflicted by this man has left me grappling with a myriad of unresolved emotions, each one a heavy burden that weighs me down. It's a daunting task, to confront these hidden demons that have haunted me for so long, but I know that I must face them head-on to find peace and closure. Through the act of writing, I am slowly peeling back the layers of hurt and betrayal, allowing myself to acknowledge the depth of my suffering and begin the journey toward healing.
Moving in with him was a decision I thought would bring us closer, but it only revealed the true colors of his character. The trust I had placed in him was shattered as he weaved a web of lies, infidelity, and virtual encounters with other women. His lack of compliments towards me was disheartening, as he only deemed me "okay" in terms of appearance. Meanwhile, his eyes wandered towards my younger cousin, whom he shamelessly objectified with his inappropriate comments. This behavior extended to any woman crossing our path, as he shamelessly ogled at them from the confines of his car. The constant reminder of his disregard for my feelings and his blatant objectification left me feeling invisible and unloved.
As I reflect on the final days of our relationship, there's one particular conversation that stands out in my memory. It was the moment when I mustered the strength to ask him why he persisted in our partnership, although being with him felt no different than the strained connection I had with my father. His response was unexpected, to say the least. "Because we have a child together," he stated matter-of-factly. But can that truly be a valid reason to remain in a loveless relationship? It's a question that continues to linger in my mind, especially now that I find myself grappling with the consequences of my decision.
***
Trust, oh trust, is such a fragile concept in my world. It's like a delicate glass sculpture, painstakingly crafted over time. But when that trust is shattered, it's not just a mere fracture; it's a devastating blow that leaves me reeling. It's as if someone reaches into the depths of my soul, plucks out a fragment of my trust, and hurls it back at me with a cruel smirk. So, you can imagine my amusement when someone dares to ask if I trust them, knowing the weight of that question in my heart.
The scars of my past run deep, but I find comfort in the few individuals who have become a part of my daily life. Although my conversations with my father are sporadic, I consider each interaction a step towards growth. I consciously avoid labeling myself as a bad person and have made progress in expressing my emotions to certain people who play a significant role in my life. Despite the occasional challenges that come my way, I am confident that I am slowly but surely addressing these issues and making positive changes in my life.
Nowadays, the only person I feel I can freely trust without worrying or fearing the same betrayal is the love of my life... me!
YOU ARE READING
Broken Trust
Short StoryIt's not so much of a story, much as it's a one-shot rambling on about how I lost all trust for anyone. Also why I can't show emotions well for any story I write. Mature rating due to not being sure how angry or just plain upsetting this might make...
