*to audience*
Hi im Ashleigh, I'm 17 and today Is my first day at a new high school but it's also my last year, I'm in year 12.
I'm not really like other girls, I'm quite different... I'm very shy like extremely shy.
*normal*
I hear my alarm clock go off 7:30am, time to start the day... I feel really sick - but I know it's just the nerves, I've been so scared about going ever since I was told and last night it go to me so much I did what I promised everyone that I would try to not do ever again... Not just one of them but both, I've been going back on part of my promise for a while not like a month an a half but I went back on my promise fully last night... I just I couldn't help it ... It was the only thing that released my pain in a sufficient way
I'm going to admit it right here right now if I admit it before I actually stand up out of bed then we can be honest with each other- I think to myself
... I just hope I won't do it anymore .... I cut again but ana (anorexia) has come back to visit aswell, last time she visited I was in hospital for a very long time, there's just so much wrong with me though why let being fat be apart of the long list of my faults ? I can't help it - that's who I am- I will never change!
No amount of counsellors or doctors or happy pills will make me stop... I'm destined to be this way, it sickens me I disgust myself ! I want help I want to be normal - I do! Trust me! But truth is... It's just not possible nobody can cure me.
So there you go... I'm a self Harmer I cut and my worst best friend is ana (anorexia) this is who I've been for around ... Oh I don't know- since I was 9 years old... I guess that's around the time my bullying started as well ... But then- I can see why the wanted to bully me.... Can't you?
I get out of bed and get into my allocated uniform wearily and tired.
With time to spare I put my make up on (God knows i need it) and fix my hair, my brown choppy hair just another reason for people to call me Emo again... Guess my style sucks ... Too bad I like it though.
Mum drives me to school once I pack my bag.
"Come on, you'll be fine, get out" she says non compassionately and driving off before anyone sees her with me, apparently mum doesn't want to be seen with me while I have this "depressed look" about me apparently people just get over how they feel. One moment she's nice the next she hates me I wish she'd stop playing mind games with me.
I look at the sky as I sigh... It's overcast, grey, cloudy and ...raining on me...
I get my timetable from the office and then attempt to find my first class with a school map the office gave me... Honestly though I'm hopeless at reading this thing... I could just bail out, you know jig school right now! Nobody would notice or care for that matter.
I fold the map up and go to turn around to make a run for it before the gate shut.... But of course my luck I bumped into someone ... I flinch waiting for bashing to come except... It doesn't... I'm confused when I don't feel any punches or hear any swearing at me, so I look up from behind my hands that covered my face.
'Huh?' I ask myself quietly out loud, when I look up from my hands I see a boy with brown eyes and dark blond hair, he's smiling at me and sort of... Giggling ? What?
I step back a little and I can feel my body shake "sorry" he says HE SAID SORRY? What? "Um ... Uh... I...it's..." I tremble trying to find words to speak through nerves and confusion "what's the matter? Cat got ya tongue?" He laughs again "no... I .. Um... I'm" I'm so scared I can't reply I can feel tears well up in my eyes DONT CRY! NOT HERE! I decide to bolt! I run past him as the tears start to fall and I just run out the gate, I don't know where I'm going but I'm not staying and letting that happen again!
After running a while I start to walk and I wipe my tears with the oversized school jumper. I get to an area where it's just a reserve sort of area across from a few shops and I was really puffed out so I sit down behind the bushes to hide.
A/N:
First little part of this story
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Safety pin (Ashton Irwin)
FanfictionAshleigh who's 17 recently had to change high schools due to severe issues and moves to Richmond high school in Sydney nsw which means she also moved houses and 2 months already moved in and being shy meaning she hasn't gone out much what happens?
