𝘯𝘰 𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 ♕ 𝘫𝘨

𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘷𝘦

𝘫𝘢𝘤𝘬

i woke up laying on someone. i really hope i didn't bring a girl home.

i sit up and look and see that it's gia. she was sound asleep. i just look at her and admire how pretty she is. i catch myself smiling.

i take out my phone and took a picture of her.

i decided not to wake her. i got up and grabbed some clothes then went to shower. when i came out i saw a mess in the living room. i automatically knew it was because of me.

i knew getting drunk was a bad idea.

everytime i do all i hear is her words.

"you're nothing but a drunk! you're fucked up in the head jack! you're an abusive piece of shit and you need help! like professional fucking help!"

"jack?" i hear a sleepy voice say.

i turn around and saw gia standing in the hall rubbing her eyes. if she was around when i did all of this, could she have gotten hurt too? i scanned her exposed skin for bruises but since she wasn't showing much i didn't see any.

"did i hurt you?" i asked, my eyes still scanning over the mess.

"no, you didn't." she walked up behind me and stood beside me.

"why did you stay?"

"what do you mean?"

"when i came home a complete wreck. i know i wasn't nice to you. why did you stay with me?"

"well i wasn't going to leave you by yourself. you could've used a friend."

friend.

"yeah."

i walked into the kitchen and grabbed a broom to start sweeping up all the broken glass.

"let me help."

"no, this is my mess. i have to clean it up on my own." i say sternly.

"you know jack, it's okay to get help every now and then. there's nothing wrong with that." she says taking the broom from my hand.

"you're too nice to me. i don't deserve it."

"why do you think that?"

i took a minute. i don't know if i want to tell her. i don't know if i should, i don't want her to look at me different. i don't want her to be scared of me.

"when i started college, i was dating a girl named madison. we had been together for about a year. then when i moved to college she cheated on me with a close friend. it really hurt me. i started drinking every night and then the nights evolved to day and then the days evolved to drinking constantly. i became a drunk. a violent one. she came over to the frat house unexpected one day and i was drunk, of course. she started telling me how sorry she was and i couldn't take it. i couldn't look at her without seeing him on top of her. she grabbed my arm and out of reflex i swung. i didn't intend to hurt her. i didn't think 'let me hit her' but it all happened so fast. the next thing i know she's on the floor screaming how abusive i am and how fucked up i am and how i need help. since then i haven't been with another girl. i don't want to be the guy known for beating his girlfriends. she told everyone, and a lot of my friends stopped talking to me. i can't blame them. but it didn't make any of it easier to deal with. i regret it with every ounce of emotion i have, i wish i could go back and tell her to leave instead of lashing out. but i can't. i'm working hard to change, honest. i hope you don't see me differently gia."

it felt so good to get all of it off my chest. i look at her and she's looking at me, processing everything i've said. she's being real quiet and it's starting to scare me.

"gia?"

"was that the first time you hit a girl?"

"yes."

"was that the last?"

"yes."

"jack, i don't see you differently. i feel closer to you because you trusted me enough to share that with me. but i don't think you're a bad guy, honest. maybe there are somethings you need to work on inside you. who doesn't have to do that sometimes though?" she sat down on the floor beside me.

she didn't abandon me when i was at my lowest. she stayed with me and fought through all of the ugly, she stayed. i took her hands in mine and looked at her.

"i don't want to hurt you gia. i don't want that to happen again."

"well there's an easy solution, don't get drunk off your ass anymore." we both chuckled.

"thank you. for not abandoning me last night and for not leaving me after what i've told you."

"it's not my place to judge you. i don't think you'd hurt me, and i don't think you'd be that jack again."

as she rubbed her thumb over my knuckles she calmed something down inside of me. i could feel myself relaxing almost immediately under her touch. i woke up angry at myself, angry at everything, but as soon as i felt her hold my hand and assure me, it was like none of it mattered anymore.

am i falling for my brothers babysitter?