I hold my breath as the sirens whoosh by, i cant believe what i've just done. I cant believe that i actually enjoyed it. I run past the trees at lightning speed, as fast as my long slender legs will permit, i regret skipping gym the past five years. But that's not the thing that's running through my mind as i run into the road and the police car hits me head on.
I walk into Charles Douglas high school for the first day of junior year, it all hits me at once, like a truck. I instantly start detesting what is going on, a pep rally in the gym, pretty girls handing out pamphlets. One of them, Sarah as i recall, hands me a one. Her hand brushes mind and its so soft, i suck my breath in as she laughs and smiles at me. Me being the awkward silent kid as i am, shuffle away blushing as i feel her starting at my back. As soon as i step into the gym i remember how hard this school tries to get the students to like it, and how easily they all fall for the sparkling charm of chearleaders bouncing up and down.
After the pep rally is over i have my first class, mythology. I notice that Sarah is in the seat next to mine, "hi, i dont recognize you very well, whats your name?" sarah whispers.
"ash" i whisper so hushed even i strain to hear myself.
"thats a pretty cool name, im sarah." she says louder than before.
She holds out her and for me to shake, and i do. This time i get the full force of how amazing her hand feels, its like silk. I realize i was holding her hand for about 5 seconds and quickly drop hers and put my hands under my desk while looking down. Mr. spechemen adresses the class in a booming and deep voice. "Welcome to mythology i am densel spechemen and i will be your educator for today!"
everyone looks up realizing its hard not to concentrate when his voice is so deep and booming, they decide they will save their napping for english. sarah hands me a pencil noticing i dont have one and i give her a silent nod of thanks. Right into it like always, we take notes on griffons and i hear sarah giggling next to me, i notice her phone under the desk while she tries to hide it and silently text. I note in my brain that she has a phone and i should shoot for her phone number sometime soon.
Class ends and i walk out behind Sarah. I cant help but stare at her ass as she walks, so confidently, shes wearing a revealing green top with a belt around her stomach, too tight to be called skinny jeans, and black boots. she turns suddenly and notices my eyes. She scoffs and the stares into them, seemingly getting lost in my sharp gray eyes, and i notice myself getting lost in her gigantic green ones, i notice the structure of her face, her small turned ears, her small nose, he small mouth but full red lips, i find myself wanting only to kiss them. I love her hair, red and straight with her bangs over her right eye, it stays perfect no matter how she moves, like she subtly, silently, commands it to act the way she wants it to. And then i think of myself, my chiseled cheek bones but small chin that doesn't fit, my straight black hair that falls like how people would descirbe "emo" my long slender body with my overly large feet, my vain ridden muscly arms that i don't work on they just stay that way, I think of my clothing, black skinny jeans, converse, a T-shirt that's overly tight. everything about me emanates darkness and everything about her emanates beautiful and perfect.
I shut out my hopes of getting her phone number and let her go on living her life without me weighing down on it, the next four classes fly by and i ride my motorcycle home. When i get home its loud, like it always is, my mother has this obsession with music and my father passed away when i was eight. As soon as i walk in she greets me with a big hug and a kiss on the forehead, ever since dad died shes been over affectionate, like if im not there she thinks im dead and then is suddenly surprised when im not. Shes too skinny for her own good and has wiry black hair that falls everywhere because she never goes outside. She spends her days making sculptures out of things she can find around the house listening to music. She listens to everything, i think she must have heard just about every song there is twice. She doesnt know how to cook so i do it for the both of us. Our cat, maiu, is constantly rubbing up against me, ive always assumed that she just liked the smell of me. As i make dinner, my mother runs around looking for thimbles because she says they make the best eyes. I finish dinner and decide to go to bed early, to collect my thoughts.
"shit" i say under my breath because i realize that i would have had something to do if i was not such a pussy and had just stuck my neck out and gotten sarahs number. I fall onto my bead and fall asleep after a while, ready for another day of school.
