"Forget Me Not" {first published novel}

Ch. 1 ~ "Buttercups and Daisies"

Thou are not punished by greed or thy selfishness. Thou are simply wounded by thy ability to dream.

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It's been a while since I've spoken to Joshua. He and I are not exactly on speaking terms right now considering he called me a "bitch" over text a week ago. We got in a relatively big fight and he told me to stop spending as much time with him. Since then, I haven't picked up my phone to call him, stood up my bike to go visit him, or turned on my cell to text him once.

I try to tell myself he's no good for me and I deserve better, but then I think about my old life without him. Even though sometimes Josh treats me like shit, there's two things keeping me from leaving him. One reason is when I flashback to the first time we danced. It was as if we were two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. I miss those days. And how I'll also never forget our first date sickens me. It was nothing short of perfect.

We were smitten, no one could deny that fact without their noses growing an inch. Those beautiful, romantic days can still continue, I'm sure of it. Then there's the most oblivious reason in the books, I love him. I know he thinks things are complicated right now, and truthfully they are. Yet that should not matter because if our love is the real deal, we should be strong enough to overcome anything at all.

I hope he realizes how insignificant these little obstacles are. We've been in much worse fights before, that's for sure. Like this one time he told me he decided to get high every now and then and had many times in the past month even though he and I had already been dating for 3 months. Now this was the first time he had brought up his secret affair with marijuana so I was stunned.

"You what?! What on Earth are you thinking?! Do you have any idea what the hell you're putting yourself into?"

Was what I had responded with not knowing that what he said he had done was actually a lie all along.

"Hahaha! Oh Allie, can't you sense a joke when you hear one?"

I froze.

"Damn you Joshua! Damn you! You think this is funny, eh? Telling your girlfriend that you get stoned? Do you freakin' hear me laughing now?!"

I could tell he was taken back by my harsh words, but to be fair he entirely deserved it. He should've left the argument at that and accepted the blame, but knowing him, he had to make things worse.

"Oh shut up will you! If you think you're gonna tell me I'm a terrible person for making a little joke then maybe you should get a sense of humor and stop making me seem like such a jerk! After all, look where it's coming from!"

At this point it had seemed as if we were about to part, and I didn't want that to happen. So, I had to resolve things my way in order to get a mutually affirmative outcome.

"I'm sorry okay? Yeah what I said was rude but don't you realize I'm freaking out because I care? Jesus, Joshua! I love you and I don't want you to be hurting yourself this way!"

I was mad but I had to make sure everything turned out fine. He went in to kiss me, but I turned and walked away. There was no way he was going to get an approval from me after all that. So I left. I know I'm young and he's even younger, but love is most definitely not prohibited from the youth, and at sixteen years of age, it's possible. Maybe he's too immature for a relationship and such, I don't quite know, but what I do know is that he has changed. And it is not exactly a good change.

I miss Joshua Ridgewood, the sweet, romantic, always by my side version. Not the new, uncommitted, insensitive version of Joshua Ridgewood. We used to bike up to each other's houses and spend hours and hours together. He used to tease me playfully on a daily yet no where as much as I teased him. Everyday at school he'd run over to me and kiss me so gently on the cheek and hug me from behind. Now it's much different.

I often find myself sad, wishing he'd surprise me with cute little "sweet dreams" or "rise and shine" texts when I'm in bed. Wishing he'd walk up to me, look at me in the eyes and say something sweet and forgivable. That doesn't happen though. It won't happen.

I miss those days. They were the best days of my life. We are young, but I swore we were meant to be. I just used to have that feeling that God knew exactly what he was doing when he paired us together. Too bad fate didn't plan out the way I had excepted.

Dawny, my best friend, understands what I'm going through. She has it hard as well in her love life. She's honestly gorgeous and so all the players "fall" for her. In the end, she's always heartbroken. Her ex boyfriend Kalvin cheated on her so I feel for her and I have sympathy on her. She's always there for me, and I'm greatful for such an amazing friend.

I hear Dawny was so mad at Josh for saying all those mean things to me over text. Apparently she was raging at him over text by saying things like "how could you do that to Allie?!" and "what the hell is wrong with you?!" I kind of wish she hadn't though, its nice to know she cares about me but I mean what if he thinks I told her to say that? I would never ever do that though because despite my anger I would never hurt him or his feelings.

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