enough | JJK

is this...

his fingers gently comb through your hair, short nails barely raking over your scalp as you hum in appreciation. your eyes remain closed as the left airpod plays a blackbear song, the right one laying in Jungkook's own ear.

he's staring down at the tranquil look on your face, admiring the scrunch of your nose. he won't tell you this but there is so much more he admires, including but not limited to your laugh when he tells a dumb joke, the smile on your face when he surprises you, and the twinkle in your eyes he thinks he sees when you finally see each other again.

he misses you when you're gone, not that you don't already know it. you're practically best friends at this point, but there are so many unspoken words looming in the air.

you hear the lyrics, feel the sound of the pulsing bass in your ears, but all you can think about is dark hair with red highlights. his fingers remind you of how bad you crave to touch him. not just his hair, but the small number of freckles visible on his face, neck, chest. he's beautiful, and you know that and he knows that and everyone seems to know it too.

you're in the only empty dressing room in the whole building, glad that the staff are everywhere but here. thankful that you get this time to be so close to each other, and you also are thankful that it's Jungkook who made this happen. he loves you, and you know it.

you can recognize how special you seem to be to him, but you're not entirely certain he wants something out of this thing you have. this friendship you hold so dear to your heart. you know he looks at you like you're some masterpiece and he wishes he was the artist.

yes, you know he loves you. no, you have no clue if it will ever be anything more. and that's okay to you because just seeing him is enough, having his hands on you is enough, and being able to have your own inside jokes is enough. maybe this is the greatest blessing of all— getting to live your life at the same time as Jeon Jungkook and call him your friend.

Jungkook knows he's in love with you, knows your bad habits like the back of his hand, like every dance choreography he's ever worked his ass off to learn. when you're not an arm's length away, his heart feels frantic, like maybe he'll pass out if your face doesn't come into his vision.

he's scared of the impact you have on him, but he knows that deep breaths help on stage. knowing you are somewhere, cheering him on is sometimes enough. he wishes you were by his side more often, wishes airplane rides and time zones didn't separate you two so often.

you're a streamer, and when he first learned what you did, he was only mildly confused. porn or video games, that's what most people ask. and he was beyond happy knowing it was the latter— well, not just video games. you're an artist, but you hate the word. Dali, Warhol, O'Keeffe: those are artists.

you draw, you paint; you think it would be amazing to become a game designer. Jungkook admires you so much, knows that you stream at least once, mostly twice a day, to show off your art and talk to an audience of people while doing what you love.

he likes to say you both are the same— entertainers in your own right. you always tell him that millions of people consume his art, while only a couple thousand consume your own. but you aren't complaining, on the contrary, you believe you have lucked out. you must've had some leftover good karma to be this happy, except you're not as happy as you think you should be.

because you have great friends. some streamers you play games with, some high school friends you keep in touch with, and Jungkook.

because you have a dream job, playing video games and making concept art for games that only exist in your mind. you have an audience that you get to interact with on Twitch, Twitter, Instagram.

because you're finally in a place in your life where you don't have to worry any longer. you're not the broke college drop out, heartbroken over your cheating ex-boyfriend. you're not the sad girl who moved all around to try to find a place that felt like home.

but that's the problem, isn't it? you still haven't really found that home. and you were beginning to feel like maybe you never would.

but Jungkook's eyes are heating the skin on your face. his fingers are playfully running through your freshly washed hair. and your heart is threatening to beat out of your chest.

and you know you love him. and you know he loves you. and you know that everything is worth it to be here— on his lap, backstage after a concert, in Seoul. everything feels less heavy with his presence around like he washes away the worries.

and maybe you're not sure if he's home, if he's what you think forever would feel like in a person. but he sure as hell is happiness tied in a neat bow; he is bunny smiles and tight hugs and erupting laughter and the kind of chaos you think is more like serenity.

Jungkook is love. he is love in its purest form.

and his fingers graze over your scalp once more before he pulls his hand away to lay on the smallest bit of his thigh you aren't occupying. the loss of warmth causes you to peek one eye open and gaze up at him.

his eyes are on the door, and he's smiling. it's not his usual full, bright, blinding smile, but it's real. and you follow his eyes, sitting up slightly to see Taehyung and Jimin walking through the threshold to drop off food on the small table in front of your couch. they exchange smiles with the both of you before they're quickly gone again.

Jungkook sees you reaching for the food almost as fast as it was placed down. and he wants to laugh at your eagerness, but really he wants to kiss you. for a second, he thinks he might just throw caution to the wind and pull you onto his lap. but his hand reaches for your thigh instead and he squeezes, causing you to finally turn all attention toward him. you drop your hovering hands and smile shyly at him.

and he thinks of all the words in the air. the unspoken ones that have never fallen from his lips because he can't find the right way to form them. but he sees your lip in between your teeth, the teasing smile on your face. and he remembers it's just you. it's you, it's you, it's you.

and he squeezes you again before removing his hand and scooting closer because he doesn't have to force the words that dangle in the air. he knows he loves you, he knows you love him. he knows you see the words too.

he knows you. and maybe that's enough.