Hail The Boredom

"How many cups of coffee have you had?" - My mother stops pouring her tea.
The grinding sounds of the machine fill the kitchen as I freeze for a moment and turn to her, leaning on the table.
Two, I say.
Two is more than one (which would be a lie) and almost always less than the actual number.

So here's the deal: I love thrillers. A good thriller makes your thoughts race in attempts to follow the plot and solve the looming mystery faster than the evil guys complete their plans - even faster than the good guys can prevent them from doing whatever bad thing.

But now, when my empathy overflows its tiny place in my brain and when my logical thoughts stumble, colliding with each other and leaving the question of a choice of a drink hanging in the warm yet already bit of a tense air in the cafe, all the thrillers, and criminal movies merge in static noises of fear. You see the terrific bunny costume in the mirror, yet you can't grasp the idea of saving the world through strange talks and burning houses. Truth to be told, you're not even trying.
The movie ends with Déjà Vu. The characters are driving away in their parallel dimensions.
So. Midnight. Then half-past one. I guess it's just me now dissociating for all eternity.

Half-past two.

Choosing a suicide method is the lamest thing in the world. Not tragic. Not desperate. It's just boring. You experience the same emotions as when buying a new dishwasher. Compare the prices. Compare the ratings. Start over, because the best-buy option is also the you-will-only-eat-noodles-for-the-rest-of-the-month option. You get tired. You wish you'd never needed a dishwasher. You save a couple of pages in your web browser, drink your long-cold tea and decide to call it a day.
Geez, there are even websites explaining the technology of every might-work way to kill yourself. With comparison tables (Availability, Agony, Time to depart) and references.

can i kill myself with phenazepam

can i kill myself with phenazepam and alcohol

how do i make cyanide quora

do i really need all those high school organic chemistry reactions i missed in a manic attempt of applying to MIT

what does cyanuric acid even .... ah, forget about it

An hour ago i wanted to quit my life, now i just want to quit this stupid research. And so I do.
Hail to boredom. Hail to devouring lethargy. Hail to the next fucking day.