They can't hear the music (Dance with me #2)

They Can't Hear the Music

CAN

Istanbul, 5 th of January of 2020

The doorbell sounds at my father's house and, as I turn off the tv, he gets up from the couch to open the door. The time has come. I've been both dreading and hoping for this moment to come, but in the end no matter what I feel, for it is out of my control. It has to be done.

I hear voices in the corridor and I stand up just at the same time as Ardan and my father enter the living room.

"Hello, brother. That's for accepting to do this here and on a Sunday. I owe you." I tell Ardan while I go over to hug him and clap his back.

"Don't mention it. It's an honor that you trust me with this. I'm kind of nervous."

"You better control your nerves, then. We don't want your hands shaking and causing an accident" My father replies, making us all laugh.

A few minutes later I'm sitting on a chair in the middle of the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror while Ardan prepares his tools. It's like a big cathartic moment. I feel like my life is going to change drastically and at the same time, I know that the world will keep moving and everything will be the same. Same people loving me. Same people hating me.

The thing is that I became Turkey's Public Enemy N. 1 from day to night. A few words taken out of context, a comment blow out of proportion, and suddenly I'm an arrogant, sexist pig. Well, the arrogant part is not new, I was already used to it, but the other words sting. Especially when I was trying to do the exact opposite of what they accuse me to do... when they imply that I could be mistreating the last person that I would ever want to harm.

"Can. Son, are you ready?" My father's voice brings me back to reality.

I look at his reflection as he's standing behind me. There it is, the same worried expression of the last few weeks. If this was hard for me, it was much worse for him and my mom. I just hope things get better from now on.

"Yes, let's get over with this."

Ardan turns the hair clipper on and I close my eyes. I urge my mind to think about something that makes me happy and in just one second, there she is. My Demet. I smile as I feel the contact of the metal against my skin.

Two hours later I'm on my car crossing the Bosphorus bridge towards the Asian side of the city. The sun will set soon and the sky is a beautiful mix of orange, pink and blue.

I feel so much lighter now. Not only have I lost a good amount of hair and all of my bushy beard, but I feel like I've taken a big weight off my shoulders. I'm going to start from a blank page. First I'm going to report for my 21 days mandatory military service, and once that's finished, I can finally start thinking about my next projects and moving forward. These last months of sitting on my hands just waiting have been torture.

I stop at the security gate of the luxury residential area in Beykoz. The guard has to look twice at the plates of my car and, for the first time in months, I have to actually talk to him so he knows I'm not an intruder. I can't blame him. Between the beanie, the sunglasses and my beardless face, I don't think my own mother would have recognized me. And just thinking about that, my heart rate increases. What is Demet going to think of my new image? I know she loves me besides my physical appearance and, as arrogant as people think I am, I don't really care about my looks, but I can't help feeling a bit insecure. I know it's ridiculous but my father's first reaction was of shock. I'm not sure if I'm ready to see the disappointment on her face.

I open the gate with my garage door remote and park in front of the house. As I'm grabbing my backpack from the back seat, I hear the front door opening behind me.